Testimony songs #6

After writing about the song I sang at the time I became celibate I need to be honest and write about the song which meant most to me when it all went wrong.
I "fell in love" with someone. I'm sure it was not really love, but at the time it was a powerful feeling and something I did not feel able to cope with. So I ran away.
I went to Bournemouth and spent a week walking up and down on the beach, trying to decide what to do next and trying to find God in it all. It was winter time and very stormy. One thing I noticed was that the waves never failed to reach the shore. There were various man made storm defences in place, but they never did halt the waves. That spoke to me of God's eternal nature and His patience with us.

This is the song

One verse speaks of the pounding waves longing for the shore.
Overall the songs speaks to me of a longing deep in our nature that longs to be with God and will feel detatched without Him.

The good news is that after that week I did decide to go back and pick up where I had left off. It took a long time and some more mess before everything was sorted out, but at the end of it all I had a new resolve as a celibate.

Some years later I read a novel "The Hawk and the Dove"and at one point in the story a young monk called Tom runs away from the monastry to find a pretty young women called Linnet. Eventually after many months he returns to the monsatry and seeks to re-gain admittance. The Abbot asks him why he came back. Did he find the woman he sought? Did she reject him? Did he get tired of her?
Tom's answer is that he had to come back because he had already made vows to God and could not vow himself to Linnet when he was already vowed to God. I was amazed when I read that because that was the bottom line in my struggles. I cannot base a marriage vow upon a broken celibacy vow.