Bread and Wine

I just wanted to write about an amazing vision I had last night. At agape yesterday we had some worship, then dinner and chatting about the questions, then bread and wine last...

As we prayed over the bread and wine I sensed Jesus coming into the room through the door in the corner behind me. I did not hear His voice, but sensed He was saying "I have been looking forward to sharing this bread and wine with you".

As we passed the bread around He stood behind each person and put a firm hand on their shoulder. It was like He was affirming each one and saying "You are a part of my body, welcome".

Then when we took the wine Jesus was passing the cup to each person and looked right into their eyes. I could not picture his face, I could just feel His gaze. He was looking at each person the way He looked at Peter, looking right into their heart and knowing them, and loving them. It was a look of deep understanding.

When we had finished taking the bread and wine I shared this vision with everyone sat at the table. It made me cry to speak of it, and I could hear other sisters begin to weep too. That made me feel like the awe and presence of God was really there with us. I don't know why Jesus wanted to come to us like that last night.

Songs

When we sing certain songs that mean a lot to me I often say "I want this sung at my funeral". Someone once heard me saying that and thought it was really morbid, but I do not think it is really. There are certain songs which speak of seasons when God has really been at work in my life. At my funeral I want people to sing those songs to give testimony to what God has done.

When I was at sixth form college I knew I had become a Christian when I caught myself singing "Father God I wonder" in a biology lesson. Another song which meant a lot to me then was "Servant King". These songs both spoke to me of a relationship with God/Jesus which I never knew was possible.

When I first came around the church the favourite songs at the time included "Happy are the People" and "This is my family" and "Freedom in Jesus". This to me was part of the revelation that the church was God's people and there was a real sense of belonging and finding my place in the family of God.

Later on, around the time when I decided to move into community we were singing "Don't join the rat race" and "Brotherhood love has come my way" and "Well I hear the call to leave all I have behind"

"My first love is a blazing fire" always reminds me of everyone dancing in the living room on the evening I celebrated my celibacy vow. Compared to that "More than oxygen I need your love" reminds me of the week I spent walking up and down the beach in Bournemouth deciding whether to jack everything in.

Fast forward a good few years and the recent songs which have inspired me include "I am free to dance, I am free to live for you" and "Jump Jump". Just 'cos I am enjoying being more free now than I ever have been before.

Anyway... the next few posts will be songs which have really really meant a lot to me

The nature of God?

The other week I made far too much dinner on Tuesday, so because it was made fresh we put the leftover in the fridge for Thursday dinner.

On Thursday we had loads of yoghurt to eat so when someone offered to make a pudding I asked them to bring some cake to have with the yoghurt. There was so much cake that we did not open all the packets and so had cake and yoghurt again on Sunday for pudding.



What has this got to say about God???

Well.... it could be a prophetic demonstration that He provides abundantly for our needs and His nature is eternal and unchanging :-)

Superheroes and Wounded Soldiers

I was talking to someone recently about the people we look up to, and then someone was talking about heroes in brotherhood at work too.

When you are a kid you look up to the superheroes. The Famous Five always caught the smugglers (before mobile phones were invented) and so on.

As you grow up your heroes become a bit more human, and there are plenty presented in the media: The footballer who scored the winning goal, the athlete who won all the gold medals, the singer with all the industry awards. The problem is, under the surface, these people are often not as wonderful as the hype would make out, and to be honest are nothing to look up to. The footballer is now alcoholic, the athelete cheated, and the singer is on drugs.

The brother sharing at work was saying he was on Leicester square evangelising, but having a tough time getting anyone to stop and talk when some famous bloke came out of one of the theatres after a premier. Everyone was screaming and making a fuss over this bloke. The brother said he felt like saying "Hello, I am here and Jesus is here... how about making a fuss for Him"

In church history there are lots of "heroes of the faith". Even folk who went off into the desert to be alone with God found that the crowds followed them. In our day people might want the autograph of a famous person, but the fashion then was to have "relics" in the churches. This means a bone from a dead saint built into the altar or such like.

In our church we look to godly men and women as our role models, but it is no good to put people on a pedestal 'cos they will fall off. There are some people who have a very prominent ministry and could be dubbed "heroes" but some of those have fallen and hurt a lot of people who looked to them as an example.

Myself, the people I look to tend to be the "wounded soldiers". These are the people who have been through battles and are still sticking it out. In celibacy in particular I get more encouragement from people I know have struggled and found the grace to go on than I do from the people who seem to glide along effortlessly.

Healing Worship

It can be hard to worship in our household 'cos we do not have a musician, and even in our local congregation we do not have any amplification. This means that when I go to big meetings I really appreciate the worship.

We have had two big meetings recently, and both times I have found the worship to be a real time of meeting with God.

When we sang "when I survey the wondrous cross" I could clearly picture Jesus on the cross, and the pain as he embraced the world in dying love. I felt God saying he was going to stretch my heart to love more as Jesus loves. In the other deep songs we sang I felt the love of God reaching into my heart and touching attitudes or hurts that He wanted to deal with. It was like the music was a gateway that allowed me to open myself up in a way I would not normally do.

In the more exuberant songs I really enjoyed the chance to dance and jump and shout and express my joy to God for all He has done. It was really freeing to let go of inhibitions and enjoy God. I do not think this is hyperactivity. I think it is good to be able to express yourself to God, and if you can get over self consciousness in a big scene where people can't really notice you then it will be easier to be expressive in the small scene when people can notice you.

In the couple of weeks since these meetings, I have found there are things in me that have changed. I don't want to spell them out here, but I have found myself doing things which I would not have done before- God has done a healing work and I can see the fruit of it. I have not been for ministry or spent hours soul-searching. It really has been that when I was open to meet God through worship He has been able to do His work.

That should not be that surprising really 'cos worship is the place where we meet with God and everyone in the Bible who met with God was changed.

be thou my vision

This Sunday we sang "Be Thou My Vision" which includes the line "Thou my soul shelter and Thou my high tower"
I saw in that how God was providing for us in the hard times.
The shelter is so needed. A place where a soldier can be warmed and fed and rested and restored. A place of safety in the middle of the battle.
The high tower is a safe place but also a vantage point. This is a place to look out and get vision, to impart strategy. A place from which you can see clearly.
I felt God was saying you do not need to run to other comforts when you are stressed or tired, I have provided shelter for you.
He was also saying "I will inspire you, I will lead you and guide you, you do not need the wisdom of the world"

Words

I have been thinking recently how often what we talk about is a load of rubbish. It is convicting to realise how much easier it is to say something stupid/silly/irrelevant rather than something spiritual.

The “wind-up” is a popular form of humour these days- but it tells us in the Bible not to do it.Proverbs “Like a fool shooting fire-brands is one who deceives his neighbour and then says 'I was only joking'”

There are loads of proverbs about foolish talk:

proverbs 10v8 and v 14 proverbs 12v23 proverbs 14v13 and v 7 proverbs 15v2

proverbs 17v28 basically says you could get away with being a fool so long as you keep your mouth shut!

while proverbs 18v2 says how a fool loves to air his own opinion

and proverbs 18 v6&7 say how trouble is caused by foolish speech
and so it goes on right through proverbs

Jesus simply tell us that our yes should be yes and our no should be no. We should speak with integrity and be consistent people.

The Bible tells us that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.If our hearts are full of love for Jesus then we should speak about Him often, and spiritual topics should fill our conversation.If all we can talk about is TV or films or celebrities then maybe we have been feeding our minds on the wrong stuff and our heart is going astray.I think it was a telling slip of the tongue when a brother asked to sing “I will set MySpace to seek the Lord”

I was gutted recently when I said something stupid to someone as a joke and they took me seriously. It showed me I was not thinking about their feelings, I had not considered they were under pressure and needed up-building rather than teasing. It did not matter that other people were behaving similarly. I have not repeated the story (except to confess to someone at the time) 'cos to do so would not build anyone up.

Someone else told me they had repeated something I had said in a meeting and shared it with their cell-group 'cos it inspired them. I would much rather my words spread because they built people up than because they had torn them down.