testimony songs #2

I had forgotten how much this song meant to me until I was reading through the index of our song book and saw it listed.
I first heard this song when I was watching Songs of Praise at my parent's house. I used to watch this on Sunday evenings when Dad had gone out because I did not have a church to go to regularly during the first year I was a Christian.
I had hoped to find a "Songs of Praise" version of this song to link to, but I could not find one so I've had to settle for the least annoying of all the other versions there are.
Brother let me be your servant.

I don't know what it was about this song which touched me so much. A lot of the things the song expresses were certainly beyond the realm of my experience up until that point.

"Brother, let me be your servant, let me be as Christ to you, pray thay I may have the grace to let you be my servant too."
"I will hold the Christ light for you, in the night time of your fear."
"I will weep when you are weeping, when  you laugh I'll laugh with you"

These are all things which have become real to me as I have found deep friendships in the church.
To be there unconditionally for each other, to be loved and to give love, to face the tough times together with courage, and to rejoice together in the good times.
Maybe all those years ago the song revealed deep longings I did not know I had??

testimony songs

I've said before now that there are certain songs which I would like sung at my funeral as they are "testimony songs". By this I mean they are songs sung during significant times in my life, and they speak to me of what was happening at that time. I think it would save a lot of time if people sang the songs and didn't bother talking about me.... but then again there are rather a lot of songs so maybe they will have to publish a song book instead :-)

These are the first two songs:

Father God I wonder
This song I caught myself singing in a biology class before I became a Christian. I had been going along to Christian Union meetings with some friends but this was the first "sign" that God was beginning to get through to me.
It was significant that I was singing about God as "Father" because my opinion of God at that time was an aloof irrelevant being. "Father" is a close and trusting relationship, something very different indeed to how I saw God up until that time.

Servant King
This is another song which represented a complete change of mindset (or faithset). It talks of the suffering of Jesus and His love for us. It also talks about "the hands that flung stars into space, to cruel nails surrendered". I never realised before that Jesus was present at creation, that as part of the Trinity He was present throughout all eternity. My sister got cross with me for singing a "Trinitarian song" because the Christadelphians don't believe in the Trinity. For me it was a revelation, everything made sense, so much that I had not been able to understand began to fall into place as I realised how much and how deeply Jesus loved us, and how God had everything planned from the start of time.

So, these two songs are my "coming to faith songs".

fishing

On Sunday the ministry was from this bit in Luke. Basically the disciples have been fishing all night long, they catch nothing, Jesus tells them to try again, and they have a miraculous huge catch of fish.
 In the film the Miracle Maker, Peter is muttering about the fact you don't catch fish in the daytime.

I have been thinking about this all since Sunday, and was prompted by what people were sharing last night to think about it again, so this is what I have gained from all this.

The disciples had been doing their job, they knew how to fish and they had been doing the best but had not caught anything.
They had not been fishing in the wrong place or at the wrong time or with the wrong kit or in the wrong weather. They were professional fishermen so they knew what to do.

When Jesus shows up he tells them to try again. It is the same lake, the same boat, the same nets, the same people. It seems to be the wrong time of day, but they do it because Jesus said so and when they let down the nets this time there is a miracle, tons of fish, almost to the point of sinking the boats.

Applying this to ourselves.... We know what we are doing, whether it is church life or at work we have got the routine sussed, we have the right kit to get the job done, we have a team around us to help, we have experience and lessons learnt from the past. We can do the job.
But sometimes it does not work. Things go wrong, or we get frustrated, or there is little reward for the effort put in. Sometimes it just seems like God does not come up with the goods as promised.

So... what should we do?
Do we conclude God does not exixt? Or He is judging us?
Should we go some place else and try something else? Join in a fruitful ministry or become a TV evangelist?
Or do we just give up?

I think what we need to do is find God's timing.
Stop, and pray, and listen to God. Then when you know the prompting of the Holy Spirit, try again.
I'm not saying sit in a corner and sulk and say "Jesus has not spoken to me, so I am not doing anything."
I am saying try making some space in your life to listen. Get rid of the trivial stuff, stop wasting time, pack in stuff that you know is not helpful. Do whatever it is that helps you draw closer to God, and when your spirit is back connected to Father/Jesus/Holy Spirit try again.

God is our Father, He is not mean or stingy but does want to bless us.
Jesus died for us. He did everything possible to help us come to the Father, He is not working in riddles.
The Holy Spirit is our companion and comforter. He brings our sighs and groans to God as prayers.

When we do things in Jesus' timing, there is blessing, there is generous abundance, there is reward for our efforts. The problem is when we rely on our efforts alone.

Having re-read all that I have written, I am ashamed to admit that most of the time I just go through the routine. I can get by living in community and doing my job even if I don't pray or worship outside of meetings. But I know there is abundant life to be had. I'm not promising the wealth and abundance you may hear spoken of by those who follow a prosperity doctrine. I am taking of the spiritual abundance which comes from living in a right relationship with Father/Jesus/Holy Spirit.

Two rings

I was talking to a celibate friend recently, and I commented that I liked the woven silver ring she wore. She told me how she has had several silver rings since she has been celibate as she keeps losing them... one fell onto the railway line as she waved someone goodbye at the station, one ended up in someone's dinner... and so on. She says she will probably keep hold of this one as it is a good fit :-)
Another friend wears three rings. I asked her why this was and she explained that one was an "engagement ring" which she started to wear when she first came around the church because she was impressed by celibacy but did not feel brave enough to go for it (yet). Then there was the one she wears for taking her vow, and the third was a "gift from God" to her. I wish I could remember the story behind the third one, but apart from thinking it was lovely at the time she told me I can't remember.

When I spoke to the first sister I came away feeling that maybe I was a little too superstitious because as a new celibate I got very upset when I damaged my first ring.
When I spoke to the second sister I was re-assured because I now wear two rings, and the second ring has significance to me.
Maybe the balance is something between the two.... Having a ring does not make us more or less celibate, (or more or less married come to think of it). However having something physical to remind us of our commitment and promises is very helpful. (That's why we have sacraments in the church, but that's another topic)

So this is the story behind my second ring....

In 2011 I had been celibate for 14 years, which was quite an achievement.
At the end of 2010 I had written a letter to some married friends I trust very much laying out all of the sins and turmoils in my life in the area of sex and relationships. It was very hard to be so honest, but a very precious time also as they prayed for me about those things. So, following on from that, at new year 2012 I felt God calling me to a time of consecration for 40 days from then until my birthday.
Those 40 days were not all filled with amazing spiritual revelations and closeness to God, but I did feel Him speaking to me on a couple of occasions during that time.
In particular he showed me a ring with some words engraved on it "strong, pure, clean, confident"

At the end of those 40 days I felt I should buy a new ring to confirm all God had been saying and doing. (I bought it from Amazon with my birthday money).
At first I swapped the rings over and wore just the new one 'cos someone said you should not wear mixed metals. Then I realised that I was not "making a new start" by wearing a new ring. The old ring represented the past struggles, which although they were now healed are still a part of my character/history. God has proved himself faithful through those times even if I was not faithful and I do not want to discard the old ring.
The new ring represented a confirmation of my vow, and a new strength, and all the words God showed me which I do not want to forget.