Vision

This is a vision I had last night at the celibates meeting:

We had been worshipping with songs and then in the quiet with people speaking to God in tongues when someone started up the song “Jesus, all for Jesus”

I was singing (as I often do) with my hands held clasped in front of me. I felt God asking me to reach out one closed hand to Him, and then to open it up. I did this very slowly and I felt God place a new celibacy ring in the centre of my palm. It was much bigger and heavier and thicker than the ring I wear, infact more so than a typical ring anyone would wear, and made of iron rather than silver.

I did not know what God meant by this, but it was awesome.

As the evening went on I gained a sense that God was saying “You are going to find there is more to celibacy than you have known so far.”

Lust for Posessions

This is an extract from a book on celibacy by AW Richard Sipe.

I did find this book a real revelation when I first read it and this passage particularly spoke to me:

Recently, a celibate priest shared from his own experience an example of the interrelatedness of celibacy and material things. Once in a supermarket, food shopping for the rectory table, he had a kind of epiphany. He was tossing items into the cart with abandon, guided by his own taste and what he thought were the gastronomical and brand preferences of his associates, when he notices a parishioner- the mother of three children- also shopping. She was too engrossed in her enterprise to notice him or anything else. She was comparing the prices of brands, rechecking her coupons, pausing thoughtfully in front of certain sections, shaking her head “no” before moving on empty handed.

He told me that “the sight of her, at a moment when the biggest decision in my life was whether to buy the imported Swiss or the French Roquefort” focused a bright light on him and his celibacy. From that time on, he said, he realised that his celibacy was more than simple sexual abstinence. He said, “I knew then that celibacy is a way of loving that has to affect every aspect of how I live.” The mother of three was an unknowing grace for the priest who continues to meditate frequently on what she had taught him.

Desire- how we hesitate to call it lust- for things (such as seemingly necessary, good, and useful things like house, car, boat, even res eccleiasticae like church, rectory, vestments) can be a means to celibate undoing. This is not nihilistic doctrine. Notice that I emphasised desire. It has to do with us, heart and mind. Just as celibates do not interact thoughtlessly with others, they cannot interact thoughtlessly with things and maintain integrity at the same time. Radical self-honesty about our desires for possessions is a vital as it is with sexual desires. The goal is honesty freed from rationalisation, or denial...

Some priests compromise their celibacy eventually by an indirect path. Sexual temptations are resisted for long periods of time, while, almost imperceptibly, the foundations of celibacy are eroded as the lust for things is indulged either with a thoughtless abandon or sometimes as a kind of occult compensation for sexual deprivation. “Poor me” or “I deserve it” are attitudes that should bring a person to renewed intensity in prayer. Left unattended, these feelings will corrode celibacy from the inside.

worshipping in spirit and in truth

I was listening to an old ministry tape recently 'cos I felt in need of a bit of inspiration about celibacy and this tape was some ministry which was a big influence in me becoming a celibate, so I tend to return to it from time to time.

The thing that really struck me about it on this occasion was not particularly about celibacy.
The brother was speaking about the bit where Jesus says we are to worship “in spirit and in truth”.

He explained that we are made of body (the world aware bit), soul (the self aware bit) and spirit (the God aware bit).

The medium God uses to speak to us is by the spirit, the way we connect to God is through our spirits.

The thing that struck me is that we cannot get to God through our soul or through our body 'cos He is spirit and we are to worship in spirit.
This means that I cannot do anything physically to get nearer to God.
This means I cannot eat anything special to get nearer to God.
This means there are no special clothes or charms that will get me nearer to God.
This means I cannot get closer to God by looking at something special

I know there is a place for meditation, and there is inspiration to be found in things like going for a walk in the country. BUT these things only lead us to God if they feed our spirit, if they cause our spirit to be awakened.

There is a danger in trying frantically try to DO something to make us feel nearer to God, but we just end up feeding our soul, our emotions.

There is a danger in trying to repeat an experience we have had, or in practising religious routine to get nearer to God. We just end up in a rut or self-righteous.

The only way to God is through our spirit, and He has put His spirit in us to help us in that.
Even when we don't have a clue what to do the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and at the times we can only groan or sigh the Holy Spirit carries our prayers to God

This revelation brought a lot of peace to me.

chewing old gum

Someone had a word on Sunday morning. They described somone chewing and chewing on an old piece of gum even though there was no flavour left in it and no pleasure or nourishment to be got from it. The word was that this person was going over and over the same old problem from every possible angle and what they really needed to do was to stop it and let God deal with it.

This did not particularly speak to me at the time, but I do see how we can so often be like that. We spend hours going over the same thing again and again in our minds, and it never makes things any better. If we “spat the gum out” we would have room in our mouths and appetite for new food. If we stop thinking along the same old thought tracks we have room for new thoughts, to receive fresh insight or inspiration from God. We might even get the word in the spirit we need to sort the situation out!

So, whenever I catch myself returning to the same old issues I am going to remind myself to spit the old gum out.