role models

I was looking through some old copies of our church magazine, there was one article which reported on a stage item which I remember from when I first came around the church. This was a group of sisters sharing about how God had drawn them together from all sorts of different backgrounds and made them good friends in Jesus.



The thing that I noted about it was, the sister I most looked up to at the time was 35 when the article was written. That was about 17 years ago, when I was 18. This year I will turn 35, so I will be the same as as this sister who I considered "mature", "stable", "secure" and so on.

It's a bit scary to think I am now the same age as people I used to look up to when I was in my teens.
Part of me does not feel like I have been around the church that long. I certainly do not feel that "grown up".

I also wonder what I have actually achieved in all the years I have been in the church.
Or what am I doing with all the "experience" that comes with 17 years of covenant/community/celibacy/kingdom employment.?

It also makes me think along the lines "Am I living the life I claim to?", "Is the life I am living what I really want to be doing?", "Am I really achieving what I want to in life?"

encouraged

I was helping someone in another department at work yesterday 'cos they had a load of rubbish to clear up and were anxious to get on with another job. Also, we have had a mouse so I wanted rid of the rubbish to be sure of getting rid of the mouse.

Anyway... we were chatting about this and that and the brother asked me "Are you a celibate?". "yes, I am" I replied. "I thought so" he said "you are too happy not to be".

That so encouraged me because so often I think I am just stressed and moody at work. I don't like myself the days when it seems all I do is nag and correct people and hassle them to get the work done. I was encouraged that someone does see something different sometimes.

Vision

We were singing this song on Sunday:-

I can hear the sound of a rising generation
Not afraid of love or dreaming of the future
They talk about Jesus and the good things He's done
Fling wide those gates, let's see His Kingdom come...

Then someone returned a book to me with this poem in

The way of God (David Adam from The Glory of Light)

When I walk in the shadows
Unsure of my way
When I fail to see the beauty
Or the wonders about me
Come, Lord, guide me into light
Show me the way to walk in.

Lord, go before me and lead me
Let me follow in your steps
Then let me boldy venture
Rejoicing in all about me
Reveal to me the way of holiness
And the glories of your creation

The line in the song which struck me was "not afraid of love, or dreaming of the future".
When I feel discouraged then I do not feel brave to love. By this I don't mean that I don't love anyone, but I stop taking the risk of reaching out to new people or deepening relationships that have begun.
When I feel encouraged, I easily find inspiration both for the future and for things I am already involved in, I am keen to try things and take risks. Life is exciting when you can see God leading the way.
The poem sums all this up so well. In times of doubt I need God to lead me, to go before me, to give me courage to be brave and to enjoy what is ahead.

Life should have excitement and adventure in it. Not that it can always be like that, 'cos daily routine is obviously routine. But as it says somewhere in the Bible "without vision the people perish".
So, hold fast to your hope, your vision, and encourage each other too 'cos it is often through each other that encouragement or discouragement come

Tree of Life

In one of the proverbs it says "a desire fulfilled is a tree of life"

I was thinking about that at work recently as I was making some bread. I have really enjoyed myself doing this because I find food science really interesting, and making my own method has meant I can get the grey cells working again and put some of what I remember into practice. The fact the bread also worked out well and tastes good is a bonus.
The proverb is probably talking about deeper things than enjoying baking. But, I think it is good to do things you enjoy. It is good to express the creativity or talents God has given you.
If we limit ourselves and never step off the treadmill then we become dull grey robots. If we often try new things, or spend time in creation, or enjoy the skills God has given us, then we become people who are free to try things out in the spirit too, people who are ready for "God adventures".

walking on solid ground

I was listening to this song on a CD in the car on the way home:

"I fall on You because everything else is insecure
I trust in you for You are awesome, yes you are"

This made me think that life is a bit like walking on uneven ground or balancing a beam, where you need someone strong alongside you to lean on, someone who is not going to wobble or fall when you need them.

Then I thought "why walk on the wobbly ground at all?" I mean, if Jesus is standing where the ground is secure, then why not walk arm in arm with Him?
If I was going for a walk with someone, I would prefer to be alongside them, maybe even arm in arm with them, rather than concentrating on the balancing act of picking my own wobbly path.

the mystery of redemption

I have been having a bit of a theological discussion with someone recently, it was provoked mostly by this verse from the hymn "and can it be"

’Tis mystery all: th’Immortal dies:
Who can explore His strange design?
In vain the firstborn seraph tries
To sound the depths of love divine.
’Tis mercy all! Let earth adore,
Let angel minds inquire no more.

To me this seems like, until Jesus had died, angels did not understand redemption.
This was explained to be quite right, because angels are in heaven where there is no sin, so they do not know the pain of separation from God caused by sin.

Somehow Satan did sin, and God had to throw him out of heaven. There is no redemption for fallen angels. I don't understand why not, but maybe having once been in heaven there is no excuse for sin, and no redemption possible.

Anyway... if the angels (and satan) now see that mankind has been redeemed by Jesus, I guess that is why satan opposes us so much? He once knew heaven, but now knows his end is eternal destruction. God's grace to fallen humanity must be the most horrible thing to him as he cannot share in it.

Acquired by God

My friend's husband was baptised tonight, it has taken him a long time to make this decision so it was a very meaningful and much prayed for occasion.
In the afternoon I txt someone about this, but when I entered "baptised" on predictive txt it came up with "acquired".
I thought this was very apt. He has been acquired by God. He has transfered. He no longer belongs on the other side any more and now belongs fully to the Kingdom of God.
That is awesome.

Gossip

Quite a bit has been said about gossip recently.
I have noticed how much information gets passed on "in your best interests to know" or "in strictest confidentiality" or "just for prayer of course".
This does incline me not to talk about some things 'cos I do not want the whole world knowing.

I know someone who is very confidential about things that have been shared with them. Even to the extent of not confirming that a word of knowledge about the situation is correct.

Someone else gave the illustration of lions in Africa which were being poisoned. The problem was traced to a herbicide the farmers were using on the grass, which the deers ate but were not affected by the chemicals, and then when the lions ate those deers the herbicide was poisonous to the lions.
The herbicide is like information that is not intended for us. It might not harm the person who passes it on to us, but it will harm us.
It might cause us to form an opinion which is not helpful. It might undermine what we think of a third person. It might tempt us to sin. It might make us aware of something we are better not knowing about.

I need to be careful what I do and do not say. Even if something is true I do not always need to say it. And so what if people will find out anyway... they don't have to find out because I have gossipped.

a rotten plant

Our room is quite dark, so I have to be careful when I water my plants 'cos if they do not get enough light the water just sits there and they go rotten. That has happened to a couple of plants I had.

On Sunday evening in the meeting I felg God speaking to me about that.
It was like He was pointing out that if we receive the water of the Holy Spirit we need to walk in the light and draw on that water to make us grow.
If we are watered and then sit and do nothing, or go back to things of the darkness, then the water will be like rotteness within us and we will die.

One of the plants that went rotten was a cactus. It would have been quite happy not to have been watered- it is meant to be able to cope with dryness. That kind of said to me that it is better not to receive the Holy Spirit than to be fake about it. If we are real and say "God, I am dry, I need you" then He can work in us and we will drink up the water of the Holy Spirit. If we are not bothered, but think we better go through the motions, then we end up stagnant and that is worse than being dry.

Lord of Glory

This is a poem/prayer from the book "Glory of Light" by David Adam which someone bought for me:

Lord of glory and holiness
I bow in wonder before you
I cannot capture the sunrise
How can I contain you?
I am unable to grasp the wind
How can I hold on to you?
Nowhere near touching the stars
How can I reach out to you?
God of deep mystery
Beyond our imagining
You reach out to us
You touch our lives
Still my mind and heart
That I may reflect your glory

I like this because it puts us into perspective. God is awesome and vast and way out of our reach. Yet He reaches out to relate to mankind, and though we are like lumps of clay He is able to display His glory through us.

It reminds me of the end of the book of Job.
There are chapters and chapters of philosophy and counselling and arguments and counter argument between Job and his friends who claim to speak for God. Then God shows up.
God speaks out of the storm and points out how He created everything, and controls the weather. God says "If you know as much as me, then you can question me about what is right or just". "If you can answer my questions, then I will agree with you that my justice and judgements are wrong and will let you be saved by your own efforts"
Jobs answer to God is full of humility, he realises that Gods plans and ways are far above human understanding, and he repents of having challenged God.

Our lives are so full of works for God sometimes, we are used to the Holy Spirit and presume we can speak for God. It is good to pause, to be humbled by God's awesomeness and to listen.

Speaking in Tongues

At the Bank Holiday weekend at the end of August we were encouraged to speak in tongues for 10-15 minutes every day until the Sheffield meeting (which is next week now).
I have tried to do this, but not always managed it, and it has varied from being a slog to being an amazing experience.

Someone once said that speaking in tongues too much was not a good thing 'cos it only built yourself up and did not help the body.
That seems to be an odd thing to say 'cos surely the more inspired members the body has, the more healthy it is?
The more used we are to getting in touch with our spirit and with the Holy Spirit the more we will have to contribute to corporate spiritual life.

Another time someone else said they liked to pray in tongues 'cos it is a heavenly language, given by God, so whatever you pray in tongues must be in the spirit and must be the right thing to pray for the occasion 'cos it is God's words you are praying!

Anyway, I was thinking about the discipline of all praying in tongue, and about how much power it must be having in the spiritual realm. It reminded me of when all the people of Israel went marching around Jericho everyday for a week, until on the last day they gave a big shout of praise and all the walls fell down.
I don't know for sure, but I would expect it took a bit of discipline and commitment to get everyone to do the marching, in silence, once around the city every day for 7 days, and then 7 times around on the 7th day.
The people must have had faith in God. Human nature would have grumbled and shuffled chattering around the city, and maybe not bothered to get out of bed after the third morning doing the same thing yet again.
The other thing was, on the 7th day, when Joshua gave the command to shout praise, they were ready, they were expectant, they shouted for the glory of God and when the walls came down they were ready to go in and take the city as God commanded.

So, when we have finished praying in tongues as God has asked us.... what are we going to see God do at Sheffield? Are we ready to shout for the glory of God, to see the strongholds fall, and take the victories God has in store?

Reflecting Jesus

When we were on Lindisfarne we visited a community for their lunchtime prayers, which were very sincere but left us feeling something was missing. We also visited a small church to look around. There was stuff there that had been inspired by radical men of God, but it was a dead building.

When we came outside we looked out and saw Cuthbert's island just off the shore, and the sun was reflected in the waves.

Beckie commented that is how we should be:

The sun itself is too bright and powerful to look at, but the water reflected the sun as we should reflect God. People should be able to look at us and see God. It's not about monuments and rituals, its about living and moving faith.

mixing religions

When we went to Lindisfarne we looked in a small church on the island. They had all sorts of leaflets and newsletters there for information. What really upset me was to find one describing how a group of Franciscans had gone on a retreat in Thailand with a load of Buddhists and were learning the Buddhist way of meditation. I stood there muttering under my breath "that is wrong, that is so wrong" until Beckie told me to shush. I admit I took the newsletter without paying for it as I intend to write and ask them what on earth they are up to. These people even had a symbol which was a cross and a lotus flower. I hate it.

So, what is the big deal? Is this just a bee in my bonnet? What is wrong with multi-faith stuff in our tolerant modern society.

Well. I reckon you either believe Jesus or you don't.
Jesus said "I am the Way and the Truth and the Light" "No-one comes to the Father except by Me".
That does not leave much room for other faiths does it?

Also, if there are other options, why did Jesus have to die?
In Gethsemane He prayed "Father, if possible, take this cup from Me". If God knew mankind could be saved just as well through Buddhist meditation I am sure He would have answered that prayer and sent angels to rescue Jesus.

Paul has stuff to say that is relevant to multi-faith stuff too.
He said you could not eat at the altar of demons and the table of the Lord.
He said don't be un-equally yoked to unbelievers.
He was harsh to the Galatians who had been adding other beliefs to the gospel they had been taught.

James said a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. What is more double minded than trying to marry two faiths?

It is not just Buddhist's I disagree with. I know Jesus is the way to God.
If I did not believe that I would not be a Christian.
As I do believe that I cannot accept that other faiths, whatever they may be, are "just as good".
I know Jesus and have chosen to give my life to Him.
What on earth these monks and nuns who have also given their lives to Jesus are thinking of, I cannot imagine.

Do you do church?

When we were away on Lindisfarne we saw a house which is used as a Christian retreat, and they had a notice up saying anyone was welcome to join them for noon prayers, so we did.

They had a very simple chapel, very small with about a dozen chairs and a driftwood cross at the front.
The service was all about the cross and about Jesus carrying our burdens. They had prayers for those with heavy burdens and for the needy ones in our society.
It was very lovely, and there was nothing I disagreed with, but it all came from a book.
When we came away we all felt that there was something missing.
They knew the form of Christianity, but we knew the life of it.
They prayed for the victims of society, we meet them and often live or work with them.

When I came home I found we had visitors, two lads were staying with us for the weekend. One has just found Jesus and the other says he is an atheist.
These lads fit in quite well really, they have a laugh with the other folk living in the house and they enjoy the culture and join in the worship on the noisy songs.
Something niggled me though.
I wondered, are we introducing these lads to Jesus, or just the Jesus Fellowship?
Do we want them to learn to do what we do? Or do we want them to find real faith in Jesus?

Wether it is following the prayers in the book
Wether it is fitting in with the scene
If we are just "doing church" we are missing the point.

Lindisfarne

I have just got back from 2 days away on a pilgrimage to Lindisfarne. Back in February last year I felt a real need to do something to re-affirm my celibacy and to build with celibate sisters around the church. That's when I came up with inspiration to go away to Lindisfarne on the anniversary of my vow and spend some time deliberately with Jesus and other celibates.

Planning it was well scary as I am not someone who normally initiates doing stuff. Also, loads of the people I asked could not make it 'cos there is so much else on in the church in August.
Anyway, we got it sorted, and decided to travel overnight to get there and book a second night at the campsite so that we had two full days plus a day travelling home.

I was so blessed by the sisters I went with, we really found we were of one heart together. We got to do all we wanted to, and no-one was tugging to do something different.
We did not spend a lot of time being deliberately holy, but a lot of our conversation was about God and the church and just sharing our hearts in a naturally spiritual way.

Friday morning I did go down to the beach on my own to spend some time with God. To start with I just wandered along the sand speaking in tongues. Then I started to offer God some of the things I was worried about, and some of the things I felt He was talking to me about.
I went to sit on the edge of the dunes and really felt a strong and affirming presence of God. I felt He was saying "I want to Father you".
I sat there and sobbed and cried out of love for God.
It was very healing.
(and I was so glad there was no-one else about!!!)

Thought it was nice to spend time together I was thinking it would be a shame not to talk to anyone else while we were there.
On Friday we had about three chances to talk to people who asked who we were and what were we up to, and we also got to talk to people on the campsite too before we left on Saturday. Having a Jesus Army painted car does break the ice somewhat!

The scenery on Lindisfarne is so beautiful, so wild and unspoilt.
We also had really good weather- warm enough to go about in a t-shirt and slightly cloudy so no-one got sun burned.
I came away feeling really refreshed and at peace somewhere deep inside.

RAW

We had RAW (Real and Wild) over the last few days. For me this was not so much of a "wow, amazing!" time as it was last year, but God did speak to me about some stuff....

I went to the girls only seminar on Saturday. They were talking about being a woman of God, being holy, not gossiping, and about sex and relationships. This was not stuff I felt I needed to hear for myself as I am pretty sorted on all those issues, but I wanted to hear what was being said to be able to pass it on to other younger sisters.
Anyway... at the end of the seminar I was pondering on things and I realised that I was not as free of one past relationship as I thought I was. I realised that I still wanted a piece of this person and that this was something I need to pray about.

On Friday it was quite a hard day, I was doing catering which I do enjoy. Last year I was in the kitchen with someone I did not know and we had a great time chatting and getting to know each other. This year the sister I was with did not want to chat at all, so I was disapponted about that. When I came to join in with the activitites afterwards I found it hard to find a group to join. There were folk I was able to chat with for a few minutes, but then they moved on and got on with whatever they were doing. In the evening meeting also it was hard to find someone to be with.
This all reminded me of how when I was younger I used to sit and watch other kids playing rather than join in. Mostly they did not want me to join in anyway. That memory is something else to pray into.

On Saturday I was not going to go on my own, but the errands I was going to do instead did not work out, so I decided to go. At lunchtime I planned to go down town to try one of the errands again. Just as the morning session ended a sister came to talk to me, she said "I have always noticed you in meetings and wanted to spend time with you, can we have lunch".
That was really amazing, and I had a lovely time chatting to her. I guess God was already starting to answer the stuff He had put His finger on

the best you can do for God

We had our annual church convocation on Saturday.
There were lots of business figures to go through, and also folk sharing about how the church is doing, and the prophetic word from the apostolic leaders.

One thing I got from all the business stuff was that every employee in our business is worth much more than just the wages they bring in. The "kingdom value" of what we do (wages earned, profits gained, paid time released for ministry) is 2 or 3 times than many of us would expect to be able to earn in an outside job.
So, at the times I think "I could do better than this", the truth is that I probably could not 'cos to earn the equivalent in another job would mean giving a lot of time and energy to the world, which I do not want to do.

The theme of "could I do better than this?" came up again later on in a different way.
One of the leaders was sharing about the need to have vision and for the Holy Spirit to have free reign in us.
There is so much we do which grieves the Holy Spirit. So much we do which is just naff, pointless, mediocre, missing the point. Wether it is trudging through meetings in a half-hearted manner; or spending an evening watching a video 'cos it is easier than building relationships; or letting prayer and Bible times slide in preference to more time in bed; or chatting about nonsense for fear of being "intense" or.....

General Booth from the Salvation Army chose that all there was of him should be given to God.
Jim Elliot (missionary and martyr) said "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose"
William Carey (missionary from Kettering) said "Believe great things from God, attempt great things for God.

These were men who had passion and vision and were not content to waste their lives on small things. The blunt truth is that anything not done for God is a waste of time.

I have been thinking about mortality a bit recently.
I am young; I have not known bad health; there is long life in the women on both sides of my family. So .... I presume I have a long life ahead of me and I am kind of happy with the rate I am running for God.
But what if my life was to be cut short? Would I run faster if I knew I only had a set time left?
Maybe I ought to be running as fast as I can 'cos no-one ever knows how long they have got?

And if the idea of sprinting through life like a super-hero of the faith is a bit too much?
Mother Teresa said "better to light a candle than to curse the dark".
Better to take one more step forward, to make even a small improvement, than to give up and do nothing.

luke warm

We had a very convicting Sunday meeting about being lukewarm, and it has been followed up at home too.

What got to me about it was this:
It made me think about whether I really do want to live this life, or whether I just like talking about it.
It also made me think about whether I want to live this life the way I do, or whether there is more to get out of it.

Apparently the only time the word "lukewarm" is in the Bible is in Revelations 3.

But there is loads about being half hearted or insincere
Jeremiah talks about people whose hearts are far from God
Hosea talks about people whose repentance is insincere
Jeremiah also talks about people who know what they ought to do but only make a half hearted attempt at it
Isiah talks about people who worship but their hearts are not in it

I know life is not always bouncy and fun, and there is a right sense sometimes of just keeping on pushing through BUT if everything is always a slog then something is going wrong.

I figured, I love Jesus, and I know He is amazing, so every worship time I want to let Him know how much I love Him. If I can't be bothered then I can't really love Him that much.

Bread and Wine

I just wanted to write about an amazing vision I had last night. At agape yesterday we had some worship, then dinner and chatting about the questions, then bread and wine last...

As we prayed over the bread and wine I sensed Jesus coming into the room through the door in the corner behind me. I did not hear His voice, but sensed He was saying "I have been looking forward to sharing this bread and wine with you".

As we passed the bread around He stood behind each person and put a firm hand on their shoulder. It was like He was affirming each one and saying "You are a part of my body, welcome".

Then when we took the wine Jesus was passing the cup to each person and looked right into their eyes. I could not picture his face, I could just feel His gaze. He was looking at each person the way He looked at Peter, looking right into their heart and knowing them, and loving them. It was a look of deep understanding.

When we had finished taking the bread and wine I shared this vision with everyone sat at the table. It made me cry to speak of it, and I could hear other sisters begin to weep too. That made me feel like the awe and presence of God was really there with us. I don't know why Jesus wanted to come to us like that last night.

Songs

When we sing certain songs that mean a lot to me I often say "I want this sung at my funeral". Someone once heard me saying that and thought it was really morbid, but I do not think it is really. There are certain songs which speak of seasons when God has really been at work in my life. At my funeral I want people to sing those songs to give testimony to what God has done.

When I was at sixth form college I knew I had become a Christian when I caught myself singing "Father God I wonder" in a biology lesson. Another song which meant a lot to me then was "Servant King". These songs both spoke to me of a relationship with God/Jesus which I never knew was possible.

When I first came around the church the favourite songs at the time included "Happy are the People" and "This is my family" and "Freedom in Jesus". This to me was part of the revelation that the church was God's people and there was a real sense of belonging and finding my place in the family of God.

Later on, around the time when I decided to move into community we were singing "Don't join the rat race" and "Brotherhood love has come my way" and "Well I hear the call to leave all I have behind"

"My first love is a blazing fire" always reminds me of everyone dancing in the living room on the evening I celebrated my celibacy vow. Compared to that "More than oxygen I need your love" reminds me of the week I spent walking up and down the beach in Bournemouth deciding whether to jack everything in.

Fast forward a good few years and the recent songs which have inspired me include "I am free to dance, I am free to live for you" and "Jump Jump". Just 'cos I am enjoying being more free now than I ever have been before.

Anyway... the next few posts will be songs which have really really meant a lot to me

The nature of God?

The other week I made far too much dinner on Tuesday, so because it was made fresh we put the leftover in the fridge for Thursday dinner.

On Thursday we had loads of yoghurt to eat so when someone offered to make a pudding I asked them to bring some cake to have with the yoghurt. There was so much cake that we did not open all the packets and so had cake and yoghurt again on Sunday for pudding.



What has this got to say about God???

Well.... it could be a prophetic demonstration that He provides abundantly for our needs and His nature is eternal and unchanging :-)

Superheroes and Wounded Soldiers

I was talking to someone recently about the people we look up to, and then someone was talking about heroes in brotherhood at work too.

When you are a kid you look up to the superheroes. The Famous Five always caught the smugglers (before mobile phones were invented) and so on.

As you grow up your heroes become a bit more human, and there are plenty presented in the media: The footballer who scored the winning goal, the athlete who won all the gold medals, the singer with all the industry awards. The problem is, under the surface, these people are often not as wonderful as the hype would make out, and to be honest are nothing to look up to. The footballer is now alcoholic, the athelete cheated, and the singer is on drugs.

The brother sharing at work was saying he was on Leicester square evangelising, but having a tough time getting anyone to stop and talk when some famous bloke came out of one of the theatres after a premier. Everyone was screaming and making a fuss over this bloke. The brother said he felt like saying "Hello, I am here and Jesus is here... how about making a fuss for Him"

In church history there are lots of "heroes of the faith". Even folk who went off into the desert to be alone with God found that the crowds followed them. In our day people might want the autograph of a famous person, but the fashion then was to have "relics" in the churches. This means a bone from a dead saint built into the altar or such like.

In our church we look to godly men and women as our role models, but it is no good to put people on a pedestal 'cos they will fall off. There are some people who have a very prominent ministry and could be dubbed "heroes" but some of those have fallen and hurt a lot of people who looked to them as an example.

Myself, the people I look to tend to be the "wounded soldiers". These are the people who have been through battles and are still sticking it out. In celibacy in particular I get more encouragement from people I know have struggled and found the grace to go on than I do from the people who seem to glide along effortlessly.

Healing Worship

It can be hard to worship in our household 'cos we do not have a musician, and even in our local congregation we do not have any amplification. This means that when I go to big meetings I really appreciate the worship.

We have had two big meetings recently, and both times I have found the worship to be a real time of meeting with God.

When we sang "when I survey the wondrous cross" I could clearly picture Jesus on the cross, and the pain as he embraced the world in dying love. I felt God saying he was going to stretch my heart to love more as Jesus loves. In the other deep songs we sang I felt the love of God reaching into my heart and touching attitudes or hurts that He wanted to deal with. It was like the music was a gateway that allowed me to open myself up in a way I would not normally do.

In the more exuberant songs I really enjoyed the chance to dance and jump and shout and express my joy to God for all He has done. It was really freeing to let go of inhibitions and enjoy God. I do not think this is hyperactivity. I think it is good to be able to express yourself to God, and if you can get over self consciousness in a big scene where people can't really notice you then it will be easier to be expressive in the small scene when people can notice you.

In the couple of weeks since these meetings, I have found there are things in me that have changed. I don't want to spell them out here, but I have found myself doing things which I would not have done before- God has done a healing work and I can see the fruit of it. I have not been for ministry or spent hours soul-searching. It really has been that when I was open to meet God through worship He has been able to do His work.

That should not be that surprising really 'cos worship is the place where we meet with God and everyone in the Bible who met with God was changed.

be thou my vision

This Sunday we sang "Be Thou My Vision" which includes the line "Thou my soul shelter and Thou my high tower"
I saw in that how God was providing for us in the hard times.
The shelter is so needed. A place where a soldier can be warmed and fed and rested and restored. A place of safety in the middle of the battle.
The high tower is a safe place but also a vantage point. This is a place to look out and get vision, to impart strategy. A place from which you can see clearly.
I felt God was saying you do not need to run to other comforts when you are stressed or tired, I have provided shelter for you.
He was also saying "I will inspire you, I will lead you and guide you, you do not need the wisdom of the world"

Words

I have been thinking recently how often what we talk about is a load of rubbish. It is convicting to realise how much easier it is to say something stupid/silly/irrelevant rather than something spiritual.

The “wind-up” is a popular form of humour these days- but it tells us in the Bible not to do it.Proverbs “Like a fool shooting fire-brands is one who deceives his neighbour and then says 'I was only joking'”

There are loads of proverbs about foolish talk:

proverbs 10v8 and v 14 proverbs 12v23 proverbs 14v13 and v 7 proverbs 15v2

proverbs 17v28 basically says you could get away with being a fool so long as you keep your mouth shut!

while proverbs 18v2 says how a fool loves to air his own opinion

and proverbs 18 v6&7 say how trouble is caused by foolish speech
and so it goes on right through proverbs

Jesus simply tell us that our yes should be yes and our no should be no. We should speak with integrity and be consistent people.

The Bible tells us that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.If our hearts are full of love for Jesus then we should speak about Him often, and spiritual topics should fill our conversation.If all we can talk about is TV or films or celebrities then maybe we have been feeding our minds on the wrong stuff and our heart is going astray.I think it was a telling slip of the tongue when a brother asked to sing “I will set MySpace to seek the Lord”

I was gutted recently when I said something stupid to someone as a joke and they took me seriously. It showed me I was not thinking about their feelings, I had not considered they were under pressure and needed up-building rather than teasing. It did not matter that other people were behaving similarly. I have not repeated the story (except to confess to someone at the time) 'cos to do so would not build anyone up.

Someone else told me they had repeated something I had said in a meeting and shared it with their cell-group 'cos it inspired them. I would much rather my words spread because they built people up than because they had torn them down.

Meditation #3

In one of the groups when we tried mediatation, someone brought a tape which we listened to which took us through various steps in meditating. Although the tape was off-putting, what was said was really helpful to me, and conjured up certain images that I would like to think about more.

This is a mixture of the stuff from the tape, and the images in my mind. I hope it will help you too.

The purpose of relaxing into prayer is to enter a state of inner tranquility and there to meet with God, face to face.

God is found when we are silent and at peace, if we are tense or disquieted this inhibits God revealing himself to us.

First of all, bring your body to rest, sit back in your chair, close your eyes, take a few slow gentle and deep breaths.
Next allow your body to rest, start with relaxing your face which gets tense with worry and stress.

Then drop your shoulders if they are hunched, let all the muscles in your body relax, consciously relax each one from your neck down to your toes.

Let the chair take all your weight.

Feel the peace from being totally relaxed.

As you are physically rested, next quieten your mind. Put aside all problems, difficulties and anxieties.

To help to do this, imagine a picture that speaks peace to you, such as sitting by a pool of calm water, or an image of Jesus, or any other picture that helps you.

Is often more difficult to bring our minds to rest than our bodies, so don't get discouraged if it is hard to do at first.

Now your body and mind are at rest, remain in that peace for a short time.

The next step is to become aware of God.

As Christians we believe the living God is within us: Jesus said Abide in me, and I in you. and also if anyone loves me and obeys me I and Father will come and live with him.

We know we have the Holy Spirit living within us.

Turn your attention to God. To stop your thoughts wandering gently repeat "Lord", "Jesus" , "Father" or "God" as you focus your attention.

Hold your attention as you meet God face to face and are in His presence.

Enjoy being with your Lord. Love and adore Him in your heart. Let Him love you.

If your thoughts wander, gently bring them back to God.

(I could imagine God enjoying walking in the garden with Adam, or a couple sat on a bench together watching the sun go down)

Now move to the next step, which is to allow Him to enter into your whole being, and there to do His work within you.

God knows you, knows all about you, nothing is hidden from Him and he loves you just as you are with his perfect love.

He accepts you totally, imperfect as you are, he will work to change you to be more like Him

Now let God into all your life, starting with your thoughts.

Open your thought life to God. Give Him freedom to enter it all. He knows your thoughts; good bad, and useless so let him have freedom to enter into them all ands to work within them.

(This made me think of Jesus sat in front of an old trunk full of scrolls. He was sorting through them all. Some he smoothed out and put away again. Some he wrote something different onto them. Some he gently erased what was written)

Next give him your relationships. The good ones, the indifferent ones, the disturbing ones. He knows them, give him freedom to move into these attitudes to other people.

(As I pictured the faces of different people, I just felt a gentle nudge wether Jesus was sad about the attitude I had to that person)

Next take him into your emotions. Your good and healthy ones, your unhealthy ones, your damaging ones. Let him come into them all. And into your fears, don't run away from them, face them with Jesus and they will lose their power.

Now take him into our sin. the sin we are aware of and the ones we are blind to. He knows them all so don't try to keep him out. Remember you are not condemmed (did not come to judge the world but to save the world). Let Him come into eveything that is sin in you, to cleanse it with the blood, to bring you into more freedom from sins power.

(This made me think of Jesus walking down into the cellar of a house. It was dark and there were cobwebs and dark corners, but as he walked through it was the light he carried that made everything clean. There was no need to poke into the corners to dig stuff out, the radiance of Jesus made everything bright and clean again. It was like a flourescent strip had been used to light up the place and instead of being dingy it was bright white and clean)

Now let him into your inner life, into all your past life, all that has ever happened to you, right back to your conception. Jesus knows about everything that has ever happened to you, so give him freedom to enter into everythign , especially pains, hurts, humilations, rejections that have some to you from the past.

He may have had to stand outside until now so let him in to share and to heal the things of the past.

(I found I did not need to remember specific things. It was like Jesus had a photo album, and some things he was gently removing from it)

Finally take Jesus into your body, into every part, into every cell, especially any parts that need healing.

(I could picture a biology film I once saw of all our blood cells moving through our body, and I imagined the Holy Spirit moving along our blood vessels in the same way, being pumped by our heart and getting into every cell.)

It is what God does in prayer that matters most. Stay resting in Him. Let him speak to cleanse, heal, comfort, encourage or strenghten you.

Try to pray this way regularly and make it a personal way to meet with God.

Meditation #2

This is a set of meditations we did for a cell group.
Try reading one exercise at a time and doing it before you read the next bit.
You might want a kitchen timer or similar so don't get distracted by looking at your watch.

1) Sit in silence for 1 minute.
Don't pray, just sit still and be aware of the presence of God.

2) For 1 minute pray quietly in tongues
(we had to pray in our heads so not to distract the others in the group, but if you are on your own you can pray quietly aloud)

3) For 1 minute meditate on the phrase "God is good"

Before you go onto the next exercises, consider how easy you found it to just be quiet. Was it easier to speak in tongues?
How much did you get from the third exercise?
Were you able to stop thinking about worries and other distractions.
Were you surprised by how much you could get out of 1 minute?
Or by how hard you found it to concentrate for 1 minute?

4) Read the Psalm below.
Pick just 1 line to meditate on for just 5 minutes.
Jot down any thought/comments in the margin

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the lands!
Serve the Lord with gladness!
Come into his presence with singing!

Know that the Lord is God!
It is he that made us, and we are the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him, bless his name!

For the Lord is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations.

When you have done this, stop to consider how you got on.
Did you find it easier being able to write things down?

5) Pick 1 of these Celtic prayers and meditate on it for 10 minutes.
Again jot down notes in the margin that inspire you.

I give my work to you, Lord.
I give my work to you.

I give my plans to you, Lord.
I give my plans to you.

I give my hopes to you, Lord.
I give my hopes to you.

I give my dreams to you, Lord.
I give my dreams to you.

I give my life to you, Lord.
I give my life to you.

I give my love to you, Lord.
I give my love to you.

Keep me true to you, Lord.
Keep me true to you.

In all I say and do, Lord.
In all I say and do.

Help me to serve you, Lord.
Help me to serve you.

O Lord God, Creator of all
Open my eyes to beauty
Open mymind to wonder
Open my ears to others
Open my heart to you

In the quiet of the morning,
In the new day that is dawning,
Thy Kingdom come.

In my waking and my dressing,
in my life and it's progressing,
Thy Kingdom come.

In this moment for the taking,
Un the things that I am making,
Thy Kingdom come.

In the people I am meeting,
In each one I shall be greeting,
Thy Kingdom come.

In my tasks and my employment,
In my leisure and enjoyment,
Thy Kingdome come

All day, until its very ending,
Praise to You I shall be sending,
Thy Kingdom come.

Once you have done these meditations you might like to print off these Celtic prayers, or similar short Psalms or prayers to pin on your wall where you will see them often.
Then you can easily pray and ponder as you go through the day, and so train your mind to gain holier thought tracks!

I really enjoyed doing these meditations with a group so we could share what we found and what we got from the different exercises as we went through them.

Meditation #1

The word "meditation" can be off-putting to a lot of Christians because we tend to think of Buddists or Hindus or New Age type meditation. We tend to shy away from the whole thing out of desire to avoid what could be unhelpful or demonic.

Meditation is actually something that can be very helpful.

This is the dictionary definition:
meditation noun 1 the act or process of meditating. 2 deep thought; contemplation, especially on a spiritual or religious theme. 3 a meditative discourse or literary or musical piece.


For a Christian I would say it is good to think deeply on the things of God.
It is not about letting our minds go blank, but about learning to focus our thoughts on God and to train our thoughts and minds not to run away with us

In the Bible we are told to think on the things of God
We are encourage to be familier with and meditate on God's word
We are told to take every thought captive and so destroy mental strongholds
We are told to love God with our mind as well as with our heart
These are only a few times that the mind is mentioned in the Bible


The Psalms of Ascents are a kind of meditation.
They were sung every year by the Jews as they travelled up to Jerusalem. These Psalms were familiar and were learned off by heart. They reminded the Jews of God's faithfulness over the years. They were a way of teaching children by tradition. They were a way of drawing near to God in worship as they travelled towards the temple.


The Celtic way of life included a lot of meditation. There was a rythmn of prayer incorporated into daily life, and these prayers were often based on the cycle of the seasons or the rythmn of life. The prayers were often short and repeated and helped to find God's presence at all times. Some of the worship at Taize is in a similar style.



Recently we have used meditation exercises a few times in small groups, and it was really good to learn how to stil our thoughts and concentrate on God. It showed us how chaotic our thoughts are, and how simple it actually is to slow down and think on God.

just like jesus

I have posted twice before about what Jesus looks like. If you asked me about that I would probably say it is not important to me, but I've kind of had some of my prejudices about it shown up recently.

I was looking at this clip on YouTube, which is an amazing drama which some young folk from our church did at a main event at the start of the year depicting the struggle over a soul. I was actually quite disappointed to discover it was not original. I then decided to look at some of the other versions, but did not very far 'cos I found myself getting offended at some of the men playing the role of Jesus: Some were fat, or too old, or not handsome, or too handsome, or too amateur, or... just not like I imagined.

This got me thinking: Do I reject Jesus because I do not like the person who is representing Him to me?

Do I get offended if the person bringing a message or a word is too young? or too old? or fat? or needy? or professional? or nervous?

I know it is very easy to be swayed by cultural differences. We might esteem the liberated worship of African churches, but then write off American churches for what we see as their slick performances. Even within the UK we can disregard the established Anglican and Catholic churches and not consider that there may be very sincere believers who do touch with God through liturgy and ceremony.

When I have been to church with a friend of mine (still charismatic, but a different stream) I have found some of their “niceness” very difficult. When she came to our meeting, her husband struggled with leaders wearing hoodies. But we sang the same songs!

Even the apostles in the early church struggled to cope with believers from different backgrounds. Although Jesus had no issues about who he spoke to or ate with, God had to send Peter a vision to prepare him to listen to and go with Cornelius to preach to his household. It was a real dilemma for the Jewish believers to know what to do with the Gentiles who started to believe in Jesus.

Mother Teresa used to seek for the image of Christ in every person she dealt with. On days when she had to deal with really difficult people she would tell the sisters “I met Christ in the most distressing disguise today”.

I don't know if she ever failed to love someone as the image of Christ. I know I do.

purity #4

How do we find purity?

I listened to a song recently that seemed to me to sound like purity was a kind of golden rain that comes down from heaven and makes everything beautiful again.
I do agree that purity is a gift from God, but it is a gift that cost Him a lot and it does also take effort on our part to work it out.

Jesus blood makes us clean.
Right at the beginning God said that someone had to die to pay the price for sin. For centuaries people made animal scarifices again and again to try to keep right with God.
Then God became man as Jesus and did what we could not do by paying the price for us. We can pray for the cleansing power of Jesus blood to be over us to wash away our sins.

Baptism makes us clean.
When we are baptised we share in Jesus death and resurrection. Going under the water is a symbol of how Jesus died and rose again. It signifies that our old life and all it's sin has died and we rise as a new creation in Jesus.
Of course we have to keep choosing to live in the new life. But the truth is we can live a new life, all the old stuff is dead, and we can claim the power of our baptism to put to death the things that keep bugging us from the past.

The Holy Spirit makes us clean.
The Holy Spirit is God the Spirit living in us. God is pure and holy, so if we have the Holy Spirit in us then we have the power to live pure and holy lives. The Holy Spirit is sensitive and so brings a sensitivity to our conscience. We find we do not want to do the things that offend Him, and when we feel that absence of his presence it nudges us to put things right.

purity #3

On Sunday someone said that mixing the world with the church is like mixing ice-cream with horse pooh: The pooh is not much affected, but the icecream certainly is.

So what has that to say about purity?

Well, the church is supposed to be pure and separate from the world, but we let stuff from the world creep in (music, media, attitudes to money, fashion........). A lot of this stuff seems quite subtle or harmless, but thinking about putting pooh into ice-cream I would say that standard should be zero contamination.

When I was studying Food Hygiene I learnt that a lot of the food poisoning organisms are gut bacteria found on food instead of in the guts of the animals they came from. Our EHO explained this “faecal-oral contamination” as “shit on your food”.

Maybe if the church is feeling a bit sick or weak there is some cross-contamination with the world that needs sorting out???

The other way around.... the church is told to affect the world around us like a salty flavour, or like light in the darkness.

Many Christians are busy trying to find subtle ways to affect the world without being too outspoken about their faith incase it offends someone.

But Jesus did not do subtle.We are not meant to be subtle or acceptable. We are meant to be the clear beacon into the darkness.

How are people going to find the church if we have blended ourselves into the world?

Is it not better to be clean and cool icecream rather than a murky half melted mess? Then when people are in need they will find a church that is refreshing and life-giving.

Purity is not "intense" or "super-holy". Purity is how the church is mean to be.

Purity #2

My second pondering on purity comes from a discussion we had at home about holiness/purity/morality.

An illustration was given...
If you are wearing a white t-shirt you are careful to keep clean and you are aware of the smallest spot of dinner you drop down your front.
If you are wearing a dark top you can drop all sorts down your front and will not notice.

Infact, that day I was wearing a black top with a red cross, but I did have food spilled down it. Wearing the cross did not make me clean, the dark top meant the dirt did not show.

What does this mean in practice?
It shows how, if you are setting a high standard you will be aware of every spot and moral weakness and that will send you back to God for His cleansings.
If your standard is not set so high, all sorts of stuff can creep in step by step, and then you end up in a dilema or a big mess and you think “How did I get here???”

I have good friends who have made BIG mistakes. (I do not judge them, I pray to God he will be able to keep working in their lives so it comes good in the end).
I am sure none of these people would have dreamed of doing what they ended up doing, but somehow what they stood for gradually got erroded until they gave up or gave in or made a rash and previously out of character choice.

Someone else said (years ago) that it is easier to stop the car a mile from the cliff than an inch from the edge.
Our attitude should be how high we can set the standard, how much we can show our love for God. Not how much we can get away with.

Talking about standards can sound a bit negative, like you have to make the grade.
I prefer to think about the positives
... to be clean and free to express love to God.
... to be able to relate to others in purity without issues and agendas
... to be able to truly want the best for another person (not to want my own way)
... to be free from fear that untruths we have told will catch up with us
... to be able to worship without vanity, or pride, or self consciousness
... to be clear in your motives
... to be the person people can come to for help in God
... to not be the person they come to when they have a borderline joke to tell
... and so on!

Purity #1

The subject of purity has come up a few times recently in different ways.
Obviously God is holy and pure and he calls us to be like Him. But purity is an over-used word.

Volvic mineral water used to tell us “Purity, not just for the innocent”
We sell “pure” margarine at work which is gluten and dairy free.
“Pure indulgence” has been described as a box of luxury chocolates.
Will these products really bring us purity?

As Christians, when we talk about being purity we tend to think about sex. As if it is our sexual behaviour that makes us impure (or not). Is that all it is about?

The dictionary says:
purity noun 1 the state of being pure or unmixed. 2 freedom from contamination, pollution or unwholesome or intrusive elements. 3 chasteness or innocence.
ETYMOLOGY: 13c: from Latin puritas, from purus pure.

So what does it mean to be pure? Psalm 119 v 9 (RSV) says:
How can a young man keep his way pure?
By guarding it according to thy word.
So is that purity? Following what we read in the Bible down to the last letter?

In Matthew 5 v 8 (RSV) it says:
Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God
So is that the motive for purity? To experience God?

Philippians 4 v 8 (RSV) says:
Whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
So... this is the first of a series of ponderings on purity.

AND

When I was reading Colossians recently I noticed one bit where Paul uses “and” several times. It’s like, you have just got the hang of something when there is a bit more, and when you think you have got that sorted, there is more again. I guess all the “ands” stop us from thinking we have got God sussed, there is always more to do, more to understand, more to reach into.
Here is the passage I was reading, it is from the RSV, but I have changed the spacing a bit .Paul has just been talking about thinking on the “higher things” of heaven and therefore putting to death worldly attitudes and opinions and behaviour…

Colossians 3 v 12-17
Put on THEN, as God’s chosen ones,
holy AND beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness,
AND patience, forbearing one another
AND, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.
AND above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
AND let the peace of Christ rule in your heart, to which indeed you were called in the one body.
AND be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as you teach
AND admonish each other in all wisdom
AND as you sing psalms
AND hymns
AND spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
AND whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

This is my translation:
Because of what I’ve just explained, you can see how you are God’s chosen ones and how you are loved by him.
Because of this you are of course compassionate and kind and lowly and meek and patient with each other.
You are forgiving to each other because you remember how God has forgiven you.
There is love between you, joining you all together.
The peace of God is in you and flows from you.
The word’s of Jesus are always in your heart and on your lips, whether you are teaching or correcting or singing or praising God spontaneously whatever you say or do is always God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
This is not a problem, is it?

CRAP

At the weekend someone made us some T-shirts with the acronym “Christians Ready And Praying” on them. Part of this was as a joke “what do you mean there is a rude word on my t-shirt??” and part of it made me think.

It made me think that I should not have a t-shirt that says I am ready to pray if I am not.

It made me consider wether I do believe prayer to be the answer in all situations.

It also made me think of the situations when I am likely to swear. “Crap” is not a word I would generally use, but I have been know to say “Poo” under my breath when the car stalls in a tricky spot.

If CRAP is my way of life, then I should be ready to pray in the crap situations in life.

At the times something winds me up, CRAP reminds me that the fruit of the Spirit is peace.

When I am stressed, CRAP reminds me that the fruit of the Spirit is patience.

When I need the answer to something, CRAP reminds me that God knows, and also know wether I really do need to know or not.

When I am sick, CRAP reminds me Jesus is our Healer.

When I am worried, CRAP reminds me Jesus is in charge of all our lives and knows the end of the story.

When I am annoyed and ready to swear or thump someone, CRAP reminds me to stop and behave in a more Christ-like manner.

When it seems like the devil is having a laugh and situations smack you in the mouth, CRAP reminds me of the victory that Jesus has won.

All this probably sounds unrealistically holy- floating through with a “Ready-Brek” glow surrounding you, and praising the Lord when you knock your toe on a piece of gravel.

I'm not trying to be a super-saint ... what I am trying to say is that we need to practice being aware of God in our every day lives. Then the first thought that comes to mind probably won't be **** but “Lord Jesus, I need you”

Non conforming non conformist

This church could be described as “non-conformist”. We are not traditional and things like “Jesus Army” make us stand out from the main stream have provoked a lot of opinion/rejection from other churches.

This church is also non-conformist to the standards of the world we live in. Covenant, Loyalty, Community, Simplicity, Celibacy, Godly Marriage. All these things are opposite to the lack of commitment, the consumerism, the greed, the loose morals around us.

I love opposing the standards of the world. I am a non-conformist. I love it when the standards I live to are baffling to the people I talk to. I love it when something comes up that proves to me how different we are.

But within that I do not go blindly along with the flow. I am not a “brain-washed clone”. I know what I believe and I answer to God for my choices. I feel I have been called by God to this church 'cos this is the people I can see are honestly trying to live out what Jesus said. If this church was to lose the plot, then I would not be obliged to stay.

I think we have to be very careful not to adopt a “corporate conscience”. To behave like animals in a herd or a pack and not consider our individual actions.

True, we need to be obedient to leaders and pay attention to the prophetic word. When there are activities that ask for our support it is good to give support.

Also, God more often speaks to us through people around us than by bolts of lightening, so we do need to listen to advice and consider “the witness of the brethren”

Opinions and attitudes and defending our own corner does not build the body of Christ. There is a right measure of putting our self aside for the common good. You might call it “taking up your cross” or “dying to yourself” or “the thorn in your flesh”.

BUT if we don't know what we think, if we don't stop to check our own spirit or conscience then we are on thin ice.

Firstly, if you have made commitments or choices based on what everyone else was doing at the time you will at some point struggle in those choices and without a firm foundation will flounder. It is knowing that God has called me that has kept me strong. As some people say “I know that I know that I know”.

The other thing is... and this has probably been said by opponents of the church... when a large group move in corporate conscience all sorts of crazy things start to happen 'cos people stop asking questions. That's how come you get suicide cults, that's how come atrocities happen. Of course I don't think this church is in danger of such things happening, but I hope you get what I mean.

The golden rule of course is always to check “How does this measure up to what I read in the Bible?” and “How does this match with what I already know about God?”

If we are familiar with what is in the Bible, and if we are in touch with God through prayer or worship then we won't easily go off on a tangent. Sometimes God leads us a way we have never gone before. It's good to check this out, just to be sure it is a “leap of faith” rather than “a leap into the dark”.

Unity of vision and purpose is good.

Conformity is something I would be wary of.

leader, signpost, yardstick

Somebody asked me what “leadership type” I was. I guess they were thinking of the management types like “motivator” “initiator” “starter/finisher” and so on.

To be honest I do not see myself as a leader and I would not want to be seen as such.

I totally believe in the order of things that Paul talks about in Corinthians ie the head of man is God and the head of the woman in man. For me this means that a woman does not have authority over men.

Practically a woman might have some responsibilities that affect men, and I know there are women with prophetic giftings but I would not expect a woman to be leading or teaching men. That still leaves loads of scope for women to be leaders of other women or children or to minister in a supporting role.

The other thing is, I am wary of the title “sister leader”. It makes me think of feminist battle axe sisters with issues who need the badge to boost their insecurities and prove they are “as good as the men” (I am deliberately exaggerating here, but I hope you get the point.) A woman of God who has found her place is not weak but strong in her Godly womanhood and right submission.

So... what do I see myself as?

I hope to be an example. I hope my life would be a bit like a signpost that points the way and encourages people it can be done. I am not “famous” but I hope that in being faithful I can help or inspire other people.

One of the things said at my birthday ministry was that somone saw me as a yardstick, and that in some of the choices they made they considered what I would do. I was gob-smacked, blessed and scared by that!

I was gob-smacked by the person who said it 'cos it was not someone I would have expected to say that.

I was blessed that someone did think my example was worth following.

I was scared 'cos it made me realise the effect we can have on other people.

It especially made me think that I need to be careful not to go back on things I have stood for, 'cos you never know who is looking and needing the strength to stand themselves.

So yeah, all in all I want to life this life to the full and encourage others to have a go and come along with we.

love for the world

Loving the world

We are told in the Bible not to love the world, to live in the world and not be a part of it.

Living that out can be quite difficult because there are some ways you cannot avoid interracting with the world and its system, such as: work or business life; shopping (even if “only for essentials”); education; health care and so on.

There is also stuff which is not bad, but might not really be necessary and could be a distraction: newspapers and books; sports and entertainments; music and the radio.

Then there is stuff that is perfectly innocent, but might just show up where your own heart is at: food and nutrition; clothes and fashion; use of leisure; body care and cosmetics.

Some of the things that tempt me include: Body Shop toiletries, Thorntons chocolate, Hagen Das icecream... You get what I mean? The things are not a problem, but the brands speak of “quality” and “luxury” and you find yourself longing after what the world esteems (or what the advertisers promote) rather than being content.

The society we live in has the motto “please yourself, you deserve it” and huge sums of money are spent on luxuries which are obscene. I can't say that by living simply I can sort out the UK homeless problem or Third World debt, but it is important to stand against the greed and selfishness which feeds these problems. People say “there will never be equality in the world, it is against human nature” and we can say “Yes there can be, we are living in community and simplicity and proving it can be done”.

Another reason for not conforming to the standards of the world around us is that there are people who cannot afford to “keep up” and they feel excluded 'cos they don't have the latest fashions or technology. It is good to be able to show by the way we live that these external things are not important to us and to be able to accept people for who they are. If we do not project an image or hide behind things then people can feel free to be themselves too.

Jesus spoke about not worrying about wealth and possessions and did not even have a home to call his own. He was the most approachable, available and accepting person ever. Just maybe being free from the cares of the world and the love of the world was part of made Him that way???

The way to God

This is a quote I heard recently
“Jesus is the only way to God, but we are not the only way to Jesus”
I want to say I disagree with that.

It is true that Jesus is the only way to God.
He said Himself that He was “The Way, the Truth and the Light”
He also told Philip that “Those who had seen Him had seen the Father”

The bit I disagree with is that we are not the only way to Jesus.
I agree that I personally am not the only way to Jesus. I know my inadequacies and I know there are many people anointed by the Holy Spirit to speak about Jesus and help other's to faith. Anyway, if I was the only way, how would I get there with no-one to show me???

I also agree that our church is not the only way to Jesus. We have a call from God and a particular ministry/distinctive/calling. I do not have a problem with other denominations- churches who are also called by God and fulfil a different ministry or have a different style of worship to our own. God is well big so it would be a tall order for any one church to demonstrate his entire purpose and nature!

I am certain however that the Church in the wide sense of the word is and must be the way to Jesus. The church is described in the Bible as a city set on a hill that cannot be hidden- we must be a light, a beacon, a lighthouse even to shine into the dark and call people into the light.

The church is described as the Body of Christ, and that body must be doing what he would do- must show people to Jesus, to his kingdom, to his Father.
The “great commission” given by Jesus is to go out into all the world to make and baptise disciples. This is to be done by all believers in all true churches in all ages.
The church must not apologise for having the truth or be silent in the face of conflicting “truths”.

There is the thinking that “all paths lead to the top of the mountain”. This is totally untrue.
Right from the beginning God clearly showed people who He was and what He expected from them. Whether it was walking in the garden and instructing which fruit not to eat; or thundering on a mountain and carving the law into stone; or dying on a cross and giving his own body and blood to make us all one.
If we want to chose a path, chose THE path.

There is only way to God, which is Jesus
The church is the way to Jesus. Is the Holy Spirit filled, anointed and united demonstration of Christ to the world- the whole wide world through all history.

what if Jesus had never been born?

I have been lent a book which is a novel about what it would be like if Jesus was born now instead of 2000 years ago.

I have not started to read the book yet, but it made me think. You see, if Jesus had not been born the world would not be at all like it is now. Followers of Jesus and of Christianity (not necessarily the same thing) have had a huge impact on shaping the world as we know it.

If there was no early Church then there would have been no Roman persecution. There would have been no believers spreading across Europe with the message of Jesus. If there was no Jesus there would be no Christianity for Constantine to adopt as the religion of the Roman Empire. So would Rome have carried on with Pagan Gods? What kind of dark stuff would have gone on in the centuries since then.

What about art or music- loads of amazing stuff by amazing people like Leonardo de Vinci, Michael Angelo, Handel, Bach has been commissioned to worship God. What would have been the influences if there was no Jesus?

Fast Forward a good few centuries... many of the significant social reformers were Christians and were influenced by their beliefs: William Wilberforce, Elizabeth Fry and more. Was it just their faith that told them “something is wrong” and made them press for change? Would mankind have a conscience to make the world a better place without the influence of the Holy Spirit in lives dedicated to Jesus?

Thinking about life without Jesus makes me think of a very dark world as much of the influence of God I am aware of has come from Christians but of course, life without Jesus is not the same as life without God or “god”.
What would the influence of other religions have been without Christianity on the scene? Hindus, Buddhists, Sikhs, New Agers all worship many gods while Muslims and Jews have the same roots as Christians.
If “Jesus the Prophet” was not on the scene would Muhammed have come along? Would Islam be the same as it is now? Would it have become the dominant religion of Europe?
What about the Jews? They are God's chosen people, they are still looking for the Messiah. Would they have become a stronger religion if there was no Jesus?

Anyway... while it is interesting to ponder these things the fact is Jesus did come and does show us the way to live, and I am well glad He came. The challenge is to live our faith in a way that shows Jesus came and proves He is relevant today.

the end of the world

Folk at home have been reading a series of novels about the end of the world. I have an aversion to that topic 'cos when I was growing up, predicting the second coming was a favourite pass time and it never happened. Even if we are not “end-times-orientated” it is thought provoking to consider whether we would be ready if Jesus came back right now. We are supposed to be ready, he warned us in the Bible that he would come suddenly and unexpectedly and we should live our lives ready for him to return at any moment.

There is a song that tries to imagine what it will be like to finally meet Jesus- would you worship? would you fall on your face? would you sing? would you be awestruck?

The thing that made me think about it was.... recently there was a red moon due to an eclipse. There was a red moon a few years ago which did make me feel “oh, is this a sign of the end?” but this time I was not so bothered. I just told myself not to be superstitious about it.

Then the next week there was an earthquake which woke us up in the night. Sorry to say my response and that of my room mate was not “Jesus is coming!” We both swore. (Though once I realised what it was that woke me I did check outside the the graveyard to be sure everything was still “normal” out there before I went back to sleep)

I suppose if it really was the end of the world and the second coming there would be spiritual stuff cracking off, and the Holy Spirit in us would respond to that.
But the fact that my first words were “bleep” rather than “Jesus!” probably means there is something to be sorted out in my heart, cos as it says, “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”

I have a good friend who is over 80. He does not look to the second coming so much as to be faithful to the end of his life. I suppose whether Jesus comes for us, or we go to Him, we will all have to give an account of our lives. Which brings me back to making sure we live ready to meet Him at any moment...

Vision

This is a vision I had last night at the celibates meeting:

We had been worshipping with songs and then in the quiet with people speaking to God in tongues when someone started up the song “Jesus, all for Jesus”

I was singing (as I often do) with my hands held clasped in front of me. I felt God asking me to reach out one closed hand to Him, and then to open it up. I did this very slowly and I felt God place a new celibacy ring in the centre of my palm. It was much bigger and heavier and thicker than the ring I wear, infact more so than a typical ring anyone would wear, and made of iron rather than silver.

I did not know what God meant by this, but it was awesome.

As the evening went on I gained a sense that God was saying “You are going to find there is more to celibacy than you have known so far.”

Lust for Posessions

This is an extract from a book on celibacy by AW Richard Sipe.

I did find this book a real revelation when I first read it and this passage particularly spoke to me:

Recently, a celibate priest shared from his own experience an example of the interrelatedness of celibacy and material things. Once in a supermarket, food shopping for the rectory table, he had a kind of epiphany. He was tossing items into the cart with abandon, guided by his own taste and what he thought were the gastronomical and brand preferences of his associates, when he notices a parishioner- the mother of three children- also shopping. She was too engrossed in her enterprise to notice him or anything else. She was comparing the prices of brands, rechecking her coupons, pausing thoughtfully in front of certain sections, shaking her head “no” before moving on empty handed.

He told me that “the sight of her, at a moment when the biggest decision in my life was whether to buy the imported Swiss or the French Roquefort” focused a bright light on him and his celibacy. From that time on, he said, he realised that his celibacy was more than simple sexual abstinence. He said, “I knew then that celibacy is a way of loving that has to affect every aspect of how I live.” The mother of three was an unknowing grace for the priest who continues to meditate frequently on what she had taught him.

Desire- how we hesitate to call it lust- for things (such as seemingly necessary, good, and useful things like house, car, boat, even res eccleiasticae like church, rectory, vestments) can be a means to celibate undoing. This is not nihilistic doctrine. Notice that I emphasised desire. It has to do with us, heart and mind. Just as celibates do not interact thoughtlessly with others, they cannot interact thoughtlessly with things and maintain integrity at the same time. Radical self-honesty about our desires for possessions is a vital as it is with sexual desires. The goal is honesty freed from rationalisation, or denial...

Some priests compromise their celibacy eventually by an indirect path. Sexual temptations are resisted for long periods of time, while, almost imperceptibly, the foundations of celibacy are eroded as the lust for things is indulged either with a thoughtless abandon or sometimes as a kind of occult compensation for sexual deprivation. “Poor me” or “I deserve it” are attitudes that should bring a person to renewed intensity in prayer. Left unattended, these feelings will corrode celibacy from the inside.

worshipping in spirit and in truth

I was listening to an old ministry tape recently 'cos I felt in need of a bit of inspiration about celibacy and this tape was some ministry which was a big influence in me becoming a celibate, so I tend to return to it from time to time.

The thing that really struck me about it on this occasion was not particularly about celibacy.
The brother was speaking about the bit where Jesus says we are to worship “in spirit and in truth”.

He explained that we are made of body (the world aware bit), soul (the self aware bit) and spirit (the God aware bit).

The medium God uses to speak to us is by the spirit, the way we connect to God is through our spirits.

The thing that struck me is that we cannot get to God through our soul or through our body 'cos He is spirit and we are to worship in spirit.
This means that I cannot do anything physically to get nearer to God.
This means I cannot eat anything special to get nearer to God.
This means there are no special clothes or charms that will get me nearer to God.
This means I cannot get closer to God by looking at something special

I know there is a place for meditation, and there is inspiration to be found in things like going for a walk in the country. BUT these things only lead us to God if they feed our spirit, if they cause our spirit to be awakened.

There is a danger in trying frantically try to DO something to make us feel nearer to God, but we just end up feeding our soul, our emotions.

There is a danger in trying to repeat an experience we have had, or in practising religious routine to get nearer to God. We just end up in a rut or self-righteous.

The only way to God is through our spirit, and He has put His spirit in us to help us in that.
Even when we don't have a clue what to do the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and at the times we can only groan or sigh the Holy Spirit carries our prayers to God

This revelation brought a lot of peace to me.

chewing old gum

Someone had a word on Sunday morning. They described somone chewing and chewing on an old piece of gum even though there was no flavour left in it and no pleasure or nourishment to be got from it. The word was that this person was going over and over the same old problem from every possible angle and what they really needed to do was to stop it and let God deal with it.

This did not particularly speak to me at the time, but I do see how we can so often be like that. We spend hours going over the same thing again and again in our minds, and it never makes things any better. If we “spat the gum out” we would have room in our mouths and appetite for new food. If we stop thinking along the same old thought tracks we have room for new thoughts, to receive fresh insight or inspiration from God. We might even get the word in the spirit we need to sort the situation out!

So, whenever I catch myself returning to the same old issues I am going to remind myself to spit the old gum out.

death and dying

I have been thinking about the issues of death and dying and eternal life, not for any particular reason, just that I have noticed the way people respond to death and it does not quite make sense to me.

Often folk in the world will tell you that they do not believe in God, that there is nothing after this life, that when you are dead that is it. We are just the same as animals.

BUT (and this is a big BUT) people do not behave like that is what they believe.

In all societies there is a respect for the dead, there is ritual about burial or disposal of bodies. If the body were an empty shell like the box the computer came in then what is the problem? Why show respect for the dead?

There is also a taboo about suicide and euthanasia.
If someone commits suicide that is more tragic and traumatic than accidental premature death.
In the UK it is not allowed to assist another person to die, whatever the circumsances.
Why?
What is the problem with finishing life at the end of it's useful period?
If there is nothing left after death, and no eternal consequences, why not opt out when you want to?

There is also the fight for life.
Families will fight the medics to keep their loved ones alive past hope of life. The human body itself will fight ilness and cling on to life. Surely this fight shows that there is a soul and a spirit inside the "shell"?

All this adds up to show we are more than "just a body". The sense that there is "something more" is one of God's hints to mankind, one of those little nudges that alerts us to seek Him out.

And the reason why people would like to think there is nothing after death?
I would venture to say they would prefer there to be nothing, because if there is something that means there are consequences to the way we live now, and to realise there are consequences means we have to take action.
I think some people are like a little kid, sticking their fingers in their ears yelling "la, la, la, I can't hear you!" as if deafing out God will mean He is not there.