Who Am I?

This is a song by Casting Crowns that has really inspired me

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

I have been thrashing an issue in my head over the last week, and basically getting into a state over it. I knew the best person to talk to was God, so I talked to Him, I told Him I was going to tell Him everything and then shut up about it.

So I told him, and then nagged Him, and kept thinking about it, and didn't leave it alone like I promised, then wondered why I felt so confused!

On Saturday I had a long journey down to Cobham on my own to visit my Great Aunt, and I had this song playing. When I arrived I was early so went for a walk along the river, and then it suddenly clicked that I had everything the wrong way around. It is not “God, why have you not helped me like You should?” but “God, why do you help me when there is no reason why you should?”

During the afternoon I was talking to my Great Aunt and she told me some of the things she has gone through in her life. They are HORRENDOUS, but when I talked to her she was not bitter, she was not resentful. She still feels pain and is a very lonely lady these days, but she does not hold a grudge, she thanks God for the good times and the seasons of blessing in her life.

For the second time in the day I felt so grateful for what God has done for me. Who am I to winge and complain and nag at Him?

refuse and recycling rangers

I read an advert in our local paper last night for “refuse and recycling rangers” which included such tasks as “walking, bending and lifting”. Why can't they just say “bin-man”?

It made me think about the labels people choose for themselves, and the claims they make about themselves. Ever heard a housewife call themselves a “domestic manager”? Or did you read about the famous nutritionist and TV presenter who has stopped using the title “Dr” because it was considered misleading?

Jesus made some pretty mad claims about himself. He used the term “I am”, which is the sacred Jewish name for God. When asked if he was the Messiah at his trial he said “it is as you say” and this blasphemy earned him the death sentence. SO... was he who he said he was? or was he a complete nutter?

This is not new thinking, plenty of folk have come to the conclusion that you cannot separate Jesus teaching from the claims he made. If you respect his teaching, that must include the bit where He calls himself the Son of God. Or if you cannot swallow that, then such a megalomaniac claim must seriously undermine everything else he said.

As I have said before, either Jesus is all true, and worthy of my worship. Or he is all wrong and totally irrelevant.

So, what about what he calls us?
Do you accept Jesus and not believe what he says about you?
We have been forgiven, we have been called his friends and his family, we have authority in the spiritual realm, we are temples of the Holy Spirit and more............

We are in the strange position of being worthless/useless/hopeless compared to an awesome and righteous God, and at the same time forgiven and given hope and status and promises of inheritance beyond our dreams. If we will not accept what Jesus says about us, we are calling him a liar, and even as believers we are cutting ourselves out of what he promised. Scary.

knowing Jesus in simple things

Recently a group of us went out into the country in the dark and built a fire and spent a couple of hours singing and praying and sharing. I found it so restoring to do something so simple and spiritual, to be away from buildings and the way we usually "do meetings"

Looking into the fire it reminded me of how, after Jesus had risen, he built a small fire and cooked breakfast for his disciples on the beach. If I had wanted to show myself to people I would have gone in for some undeniable signs and wonders- like splitting a few mountains in two or sending a legion of angels and a few thunderbolts. Jesus chose to do something simple and take the time to restore the broken hearts of the disciples. Pentecost came later, and then were the signs and wonders and power of God.

For our own lives, it made me think how we need to know Jesus in the simple things, the humble things, to have a deep relationship with him in our own hearts. Then later, building on that foundation, we can move in the signs and wonders he has promised......

What is a hypocrite

Christians are often accused of being hypocrites

This is what the dictionary calls a hypocrite

hypocrisy noun (hypocrisies)
1 the act of pretending to have feelings, beliefs or principles which one does not actually have.
2 the act of concealing one's true character.

This is some of what Jesus said about hypocricy

So that all kind of means that a hypocrite is someone who does not practice what they preach, someone who is all talk but no action.

BUT is it the same as someone who has high ideals yet struggles to keep them? This is what the apostle Paul said about struggling with sin:

SO what is the difference between an honest struggle and hypocrisy?
I think I find my answer in songs like this:

Lord I did it again,
It all ends up the same.
Slipped, tripped, stripped of the kingly robe you gave me.

But I turn to you for forgiveness
Asking Father display your mercy
I stretch out my hand
And get up and make a stand

To see Jesus reign in my life
To always walk on the path of your truth
To fight to the end even when it gets dark
To trust in you...
©NCCC

I think the difference comes in our honesty before God and before other people. A hypocrite believes they are OK, they are living by their own rules and do not let the guard down to let anyone see what they are really like.

When we are honest about our shortcomings we allow God in to forgive us and people around us to support us. If one man has a map and another has a torch, are they not better off working together than pretending they are OK on their own in the dark? The information on the map is not invalid because you cannot see to read it, but you have to be humble enough to admit you need help.

I don't think God is made smaller by our failings- it points to his immense grace and patience and love that he helps us along the path and does not jsut blast us off the planet as incompetant failures.

That is why I think hypocrisy is wrong- because it makes ourselves bigger than we are and in self-sufficiency turns its back on God.

Why vow?

I was talking to someone recently about celibacy, and whilst they understood my reasons and inspiration for being celibate and could see examples of fruitful celibates in the church, they were a bit unsure about the vow. The questions was, is the vow a man-made thing? By making a vow are we going further than God intended? Are we making a rod for our own backs with that kind of “legality” when the whole thing could be done informally with a load less intensity.

To start with, God is into vows. He makes many vows or promises to the people in the Bible, and expects them to pledge themselves to Him in return. God takes vow making and vow breaking seriously, there is blessing from vow, and there is judgement for breaking vows. It is a serious thing to make a vow but I think we are poorer people if we avoid vows because of fear of commitment. But anyway, this is about celibate vows rather than the whole topic of vowing, so here goes...

If you take celibacy as an equal yet opposite thing to marriage, you could say that both states should be vowed because they are serious life long commitments. But then where did marriage vows come from?

In the Bible a couple were considered married if they had intercourse. That's why there are sentences like “so and so took knew so and so and she became his wife”. To “know” someone meant they had sex and that physical thing united them as man and wife. It also says a man shall leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one. So the intimate physical union is seen as a permanent "vow”. The marriage ceremonies came in later, with all the rules about betrothal and so on. The ceremonies were a public sign of what had (or would) go on in private.

When Jesus talked about celibacy he talked about eunuchs. He said some were born eunuchs (people who could not have sex for physical reasons), some were made eunuchs by men, and some made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven (the equivalent of celibates now). Without putting it too bluntly- becoming a eunuch meant a bloke chopping his bits off. It was a physical thing and most definitely a permanent thing. To be a celibate does not mean we have to go through physical mutilation, but the sentiment is still there that what we are doing is a permanent thing. So... in the same way that a marriage vow is a public sign of a permanent personal thing, so is the celibate vow.

Keeping on the thread of a celibate vow of the same nature as a marriage vow, when people make their marriage vows they are promising to love that person only, to be true to them, and to renounce all other loves. This is not that different to the celibate vow. We promise to be true to Jesus, to renounce any other relationship for the sake of having particular intimacy with Jesus.
In the wedding vows it also talks about raising children and building family. The celibate will raise spiritual children and build church family.

It is true that you can have a relationship and not have to get married. It is true you can live as "just single" all your life and not make a celibate vow. But in all honesty I think you would be a poorer person to live without the dedication/devotion of the vow and the endurance and character strength it takes to work that out. Going back to the beginning, God is into vows and He brings blessing with the promises that we do not experience any other way.

P is for Celibacy

We had a meeting for the celibates in the church recently, several people talked it was well inspiring. When I thought back over it I realised a lot of the stuff shared, and a lot of the stuff that inspires me, also happens to begin with P. So here it is.... P for celibacy

Purpose
Celibates are a people with a purpose, which is to build the Kingdom of God. As one person put it, their call is to “populate heaven , not earth”. The celibate man or woman is a spiritual parent, teaching and training those who are younger in their faith.

Passion
Celibates are passionate. They see the Kingdom of God and choose to put it above their highest joy. They are prepared to renounce “normal” and “acceptable” things for the sake of something higher/bigger. Think about sports stars, they are passionate about what they do, they have to train and discipline themselves to achieve their goal, likewise celibates choose to make the sacrifice to gain something they could not gain any other way

Path
Celibacy is not an aim or a goal in itself, it is the path we are on. Celibacy shapes your character, it gives you the tools for life.

People
Celibacy is about people. Because we choose to stay single does not mean we will stay isolated and cut off from people. A celibate is free to give themselves in a variety of friendships that a maried person cannot. (for example, when we have a visitor stay for the weekend they share a room with the other single folk). A celibate has chosen not to belong to one particular person, in order to belong to everyone (eek- that's well hard!)

Purity
Obviously the aim of celibacy is to be pure, to be holy in body and spirit. Not that being married means you are impure 'cos that is a different kind of purity. A celibate does however choose to set themselves aside to be dovoted to God in a particular way.

Prophetic
In heaven we will all be celibate. Jesus taught us to pray “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” and celibacy is one way to do that, to prophetically show the life of heaven on earth. It is not the only way to do this, but a pretty good way to try to show people now something of the single-hearted worship of God that there will be in heaven.

Pioneering
Celibates are people without the ties that natural family life brings, so they are people who are free to pioneer- to try new things and go new places for the sake of the gospel. (Again, not an exlusivly celibate thing, but try moving to a new area with kids in school...)

representing Jesus

On Sunday afternoon I looking through a book that contained various pictures of Jesus painted by famous artists. What I found was actually quite sad, though the "blond hair and blue eyes" version of Jesus was (thankfully) missing from this collection, I still found the pictures showed a rather weak and feminine Jesus. A couple of the pictures could have been a Pears soap advert, and some showing the adolescent Jesus definitely looked to me like an 18 year old girl with long wavy hair.

Now, what I am saying is not to knock the great artists, but it did make me think about how we represent Jesus.

To me Jesus was fully man and fully God, and we should not be scared of either of these "identities". As a man I think he would have been strong. I think he would have been a man of emotion and passion. As fully God he would have had insight, compassion and love far beyond what a human could understand, but it would have been sensitivity with strength. Jesus interacted with normal people and was not vague, aloof or untouchable.

There are of course no pictures from the time of Jesus to show us what he looked like so, whatever image we come up with, it can only be speculation. What we do have is his church which is made of up people created in God's image, is made up of people filled with the Holy Spirit, is made up of people being transformed more and more into Jesus likeness. So for the world around us, we are Jesus.

So, does Jesus look like this?

Bad things happen to good people

I have recently read "The Atonement Child" by Francine Rivers It was a book that really made me think about what I would do in the same situation. Basically the plot is that a Christian girl, with a Christian finace who attends a Chrsitain college is raped on her way home one night. She does not take the morning-after pill 'cos she is in a state, and she is sure her finace is so anti-abortion that he would not accept the use of an abortion agent, and also she is so sure God wouldn't allow her to have got pregnant. All the characters have to deal with “why did God allow this to happen?” and “is this God's will, or God's judgement?”. Then she finds out she is pregnant, and as several characters say “no-one would judge you for having an abortion in these circumstances”. So she has to decide what she believes is right, and what she will do. There are complications to the story- such as the college does not allow un-wed mothers to continue as students. I won't tell you what she decides- that would spoil the story!

It made me think along a few different trains of thought – and I have by no means come to any satisfactory conclusions in my own conscience...

How right is the preconceived idea that a child conceived by rape should automatically be aborted? Surely to say so is to say that the children of rapists do not deserve to live? Or that rapists should be sterilised? Is a child a “monster” because they were conceived in such circumstances? Or what about the children of parents who do other awful things? Or are all babies innocent?

It is possible to say that a certain situation is not “right” or is not “God's ideal”, but we don't live in an ideal world, and things do happen that we are not prepared for or don't know how to cope with. So, how do we cope in such situations? How prepared are we to put away the text book and deal with individuals with compassion and sensitivity? Is is OK to “break the rules” sometimes?

How does forgiveness work when someone has done something that is totally, obviously wrong (a rapist)? Or has done something that is legal but we believe is wrong (a doctor in an abortion clinic)? Or has come to a different conclusion to ourselves in a moral dilema (a woman who choses an abortion, or the boyfriend who advises her to do so)?

In one bit in the book, one of the characters says that the situation is a perfect case where the church/Christians can show compassion, but they do not, and how can the church bring healing to a hurting world when it is too busy shooting it's own wounded?

That really made me think. What is the balance between compassion and correctness? Does it matter what the world thinks? How important is it to restore the victims and the sinners in the church as well as those in the world around us?

Jesus' compassion and love is endless, and ours gets stuck with moral dilemas such this story (and many more). The Bible does not directly address modern situations, but the truth we live to is in there, so how do we let it out? How do we put life into the words and humanity into the theology?

I pray to God I will never be in the situation described in the book. But for now I think my answer to all this pondering is in something written by sister on our prayer-shed wall after the very worst thing she ever had to go through had happened in her life.

“It might look like the devil has his way in situation/circumstances, BUT Jesus is Lord of the outcome”

encouragement

We were talking on Tuesday about how the Holy Spirit is called the Comforter and how we all need to be comforted and encouraged sometimes.

I was wondering if it is just 'cos we are weak that we need to be encouraged, but then I realised that God the Father encouraged Jesus while he was on earth, and if Jesus needed encouraging by God then I sure do too!

God encouraged Jesus
Angels sent to strengthen Jesus

This is love

Am just thinking about how amazing love is.

A friend of mine had their birthday recently, and received a flowery card with a long verse inside in flowing writing. The person who sent it to her signed it something like this "I really do love you, not like the sentimental mush in this card"

That's the key really, people want love and reduce it to commercial slush, to a vague fuzzy concept, to something too weak to lean on and so easily discarded when a better offer comes along.

This is love

Love is patient- it has time and will wait to be received or reciproated
Love is kind- even when that kindness means being tough
It does not envy- it doesn't mind if the loved is prefered to the lover
It does not boast- it is prepared to love with no-one ever knowing
It is not proud- and therefore does not get offended or clamour for attention
It is not rude- it is sensitive
It is not self seeking- it is totally self denying
It is not easily angered- it sees the destructiveness of anger and would rather be wronged than destroy
It keeps no record of wrongs- it forgives as completely as it has been forgiven by Jesus
Love does not delight in evil- it does not get a kick about hearing of another's misfortune
But rejoices with the truth- it lives in the light and loves to see others find that light
It always protects- it really cares for well being of the beloved
It always trusts- it is not shaken 'cos it's source and anchor is in God
It always hopes- it has un wavering faith in something better
It always perseveres- it does not rise and fall with moods or emotions but continues steadfastly and reliably, even when there is every reason to give up.


Love is so amazing. Our love is so imperfect. But we have LOVE Himself living in us, and that is why we can dare to have a go, and take the risk, and get it wrong, and be hurt, and learn, and be healed, and go on, and grow more like Him who loves us eternally and beyond all measure

Hard Work and Righteousness

"Hard work and righteousness" is the moto I have as my computer screensaver and wallpaper at work. What do I mean by that? I mean that we need to both work hard and be righteous in our work.

Righteousness at work, to me, means being honest in dealing with customers and suppliers and fair when dealing with staff. It means loving the brothers and sisters I work with and not being stressy/snappy/rude. It means not wasting time and being punctual. It means not taking advantage of my position to have enjoy benefits that others in my department don't get. It means not using the fact no-one checks up on what I am doing to use work time to do things for myself.

Hard work means getting the work done quickly so we make the most money (quite an important factor in a production environment). It doesn't mean stressing out and dashing about so you kill yourself trying to do things to meet unrealistically short deadlines. Hard work means that when there is a slow patch we can use the time to do things we don't usually get around to. Hard work doesn't mean that there is not time to appreciate those around you. Hard work means there is a satisfaction in having done a good days work, and you can take a break/holiday knowing the work will still get done. Hard work means doing what you do the best you can.

Working hard on its own does not guarantee God's honour. There are a lot of people in the business world who work very hard, are very succesful, and are cut-throat/dis-honest/exploiting others in their business dealings.

Likewise, sitting around being holy will not get the work done- it's a balance. Some well holy famous people like monks and nuns have said that their work is a prayer. They don't divide between "work" and "worship" 'cos they know the presence of God in everything they do- that's a lot to live up to!

There is plenty in the Bible both about working hard and being honest (righteous) in work.

For now, I'm going to keep that as my moto and aim to get a bit nearer the goal.

Out of the Ark

On Tuesday we were singing one of the (many) songs about being free, and I had this picture:...

I imagined all the animals being let out of the ark and all charging and whooping down the gang plank in a load of chaos and noise, glad to be out of the ark, eager to explore the fresh new world that was waiting.

Wouldn't it have been strange if, having been saved from the flood waters, they stayed stuck in the gloomy stinking ark?

I thought it was a bit like us. We can live as people who have been technically saved but don't enjoy the new life. We just sit there gloomy and dreary and bored. Or we can go running and shouting and yelling into the fullness and excitement of new life that God has got for us.

Choosing to be hurt

It seems a right daft thing to do, but I spent most of last week choosing to be hurt!

The previous Friday I had tried to sort something out at work that I thought would be nice for the others Problem was someone else thought I was being awkward/fussy and the rest did not appreciate it anyway! The result was I decided not to spend any time with anyone 'cos whatever you say/do is bound to be wrong , so it's better to stay out of the way.

So, is that sulking? Is it some kind of emotional self defence that says "I know you'll hurt me, so I'll make sure you can't, even if doing so means I hurt myself"?

By the end of the week I was totally fed up and lonely etc etc so it didn't work staying out of the way. It just spoiled everything else and meant I couldn't find my spirit to worship/pray until I sorted myself out.


How does that inspire me about Jesus?
It made me think that the pain he went through on the cross was more than physical. He had to put up with being misunderstood, mis represented, teased, mocked, criticised, abandoned, rejected, humiliated, exposed etc etc.

These are the psychological pains we humans go to all kinds of complicated lengths to avoid.

And he went through it for us.

That makes me well ashamed.

Resentment

I have been thinking a lot recently about resentment, because I realise how easy it is to get resentful over little things and then you end up getting stressed and bitter 'cos it goes round and round in your head and so out of proportion that you are ready to kill the person who left the kettle empty (or whatever minor issue it was).

Getting resentful means you can't pray or worship 'cos you keep thinking about how you have been wronged. It totally robs you of any sense of God and once you get resentful about one thing its generally not too long before Everything and Everyone is acting only to upset you.

On Sunday morning all the pondering got knocked into shape with a quote from John 3v30 (RSV)
This refers to when Jesus came to John to be baptised, which signalled the end of John's ministry and the beginning of Jesus'. John knew his role was to announce the coming of the Messiah, and when he saw Jesus and recognised him as the Messiah, John was prepared to see his mission had been accomplished and step aside.

So... what has that got to do with petty irritations and resentments?

Basically, if I am being petty and resentful then I am thinking I am bigger than I really am; that I am more important than those around me- which I am not; that everyone else should be thinking of me and my needs and wants- which of course they don't.

This is a prayer of Mother Teresa about it all:

Deliver me, O Jesus

From the desire of being loved
From the desire of being extolled
From the desire of being honoured
From the desire of being praised
From the desire of being preferred
From the desire of being consulted
From the desire of being approved
From the desire of being popular.

From the fear of being humiliated
From the fear of being despised
From the fear of suffering rebukes
From the fear of being slandered
From the fear of being forgotten
From the fear of being wronged
From the fear of being ridiculed
From the fear of being suspected.

And, Jesus, grant me the peace
To desire that others might be more loved than I
That others might be more esteemed than I
That in the opinion of the world
Others may increase and I may decrease
That others may be chosen and I set aside
That others may be preferred to me in everything
That others may become holier than I
Provided I become as holy as I should.

She knew the dangers of getting too self important, and the beauty of Godly humility

Does that mean we should all lie down and get walked over? Not at all. But that's another topic!

What if...

I went for a walk recently with a group of friends, and one of them asked me "what if we have got it all wrong? what if there is no God and when we dies that is it?"

One answer to that is from CS Lewis book the Silver Chair. You might not know the story but at this point two children and a Marshwiggle have just rescued the Prince from the Witches underground castle, and then she turns up and tried to bewitch them into believing there is no other world to go back to. This is Puddleglum's response:

.

..Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things- trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it,. We're just babies making up a game, is you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play world that licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if the two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long I should think, but that's small loss if the world's as a dull a place as you say.”

My answer to the question is that I would live this life even if there is no eternal life to look forward to. Looking at it from a totally non-spiritual basis, if the only thing that raises mankind above animals is morality, and the only moral purpose for life is to do good to others, then I still do not know a better way to "do good" than the way I am living.

As an individual I might not make any great contrubutions, but as a group of people working together as the church I see the "lost ones" of our society restored and finding value as a person, worth in society and healing in their souls.

I could be an ecological martyr- recycle all my rubbish, eat only organic fair-traded food, refuse to shop in supermarkets etc but I think I would jsut get side-tracked in doing so. It is possible to champion such causes and still be essentially a selfish/hurt/unloving/unhealed person.

I totally believe that it is only in God, through Jesus Christ, that people are able to become who they are really meant to be. When God sent Jesus to die on the cross he was not just on a rescue mission- sending out a lifeboat to populate heaven. God intends us to start our relationship with Him now, here on earth, to give us what He always intended us to have in Eden, to make us fully who He wanted us to be.

I don't celebrate Christmas

The most simple reason why I do not is that Jesus asked us to remember us in the bread and wine (communion). We take bread and wine on a Sunday, and on a Tuesday when we have a meal together a bit like the last supper (we call this agape). I don't find the need to "specially remember" at Christmas or Easter because I remember all through the year.

Other reasons are to do with the commercialism of the modern Xmas and the pagan roots of the festival. I can't find trees and tinsel and Santa in the bible, so why use them to celebrate Jesus birth? I don't think Jesus would be honoured by the drunkeness and partying that goes on in this season. Or the selfishness that sees some people in excess and others left out.

But... I am not slamming people who celebrate from a sincere heart. I think the thing is to know why you do or do not do it, and honour God in that from your own conscience.

Young Free and single!

Young, Free and Single!
sounds good doesn't it?
To be young and unattached, plenty of time on your hands and enough friends and money to really enjoy yourself. To be able to go off on holiday, date whoever you please with no strings attached and do (almost) whatever you please without any restricting responsibility or commitment...

Well, I am going to use my singleness for something even better than that!
I have vowed to stay celibate and I am going to give my life to Jesus, to building the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth and showing people life as God intended it to be.

Jesus talked about it, he said if you can live this way then go for it (full quote)

Jesus also prayed for life on earth to be as it is in heaven and he also said there is no marriage in heaven

Paul was celibate and talked about being undivided in your devotion to God. He acknowleged that marriage (rightly) brings worries with it, and he reccommended people stayed single to commit themselves to Jesus

The life I am living is "wierd" in the eyes of the average person, but that's because this lifestlye does not belong on earth- it belongs to the Kingdom of God- it belongs in heaven!

I am a celibate because I have met THE most amazing person, and He has all my love, and I want to do things with Him and for Him. I am not going to waste my life going after things that do not last. Maybe it looks like I am missing out on what the world has to offer, but you know what? I'm not interested. Heaven is going to be full of loving Jesus- and I am going to start doing that now!

Thy Mighty Love O God Constraineth Me

Thy mighty love, O God, constraineth me,
Like some strong tide it presseth on its way,
Seeking a channel in my earth bound soul,
Seeking to sweep all barriers away.


Shall I not yield to that constraining power?
Shall I not say, O tide of love, flow in?
Thy love O God at last hath conquered me,
Life cannot be as it hath hither been.


Break through my nature, mighty, heavenly love,
Clear every avenue of thought and brain,
Flood my affections, purify my will,
Let nothing but Thine own pure life remain.


Thus wholly mastered and possessed by God,
Forth from my life, spontaneous and free,
Shall flow a stream of tenderness and grace,
Loving, because God loved, eternally.


This hymn is by Emily May Grimes.
It inspires me because it talks about being completely taken over by God, and surely that is the way it should be? I always feel uncomfortable with the "God in my pocket" type of God who fits in with my lifestyle and does not change me. God, to me is totally overwhelming and awesome. God is also one who loves us completely and our experience of His love should be as overpowering as He is Almighty, it should not be warm and cosy.


Loving God and being loved by God causes us to change, he draws us into more and more of His nature so we become pure as He is pure.


The other thing about the love of God is that he does overwhelm and posess us. Some people are scared of the idea of this kind of thing, they want to stay in control, but by being out of our control and into His we find an amazing freedom we can never know any other way. It is like we suddenly become everything we were meant to be. Like a caged animal let out of its controlled environment into the wild.


Last February I went for a walk along a river in the countryside, (that is I wore wellingtons and walked along the river itself- not on the bank). The force of the water and the sense of power yet peace made me think of this hymn. It made me consider how much of my life is motivated and controlled by the force of God (the river) and how much is controlled by my own self-will (walking against the flow). It makes me think how as a fishes home environment is the river, our "home environment" can be the presence of God 'cos the Holy Spirit is with us and in us and brings God to us- even in the everyday stuff.


Most of my life I am probably a million miles from this kind of ideal love. But it is still my ideal and my aim. I am probably happiest when I get away from people and into the open with God- but I don't do it enough!

Why bother to be righteous?

Why bother to be righteous? Why bother to do the right thing if no-one else does, if they all get away with it, if no-one notices wether you do or not?

At work I am pretty much my own boss, and so long as the orders go out and the invoices get written and paid no-one really checks up on what I am doing. Sometimes I find it hard to be righteous in things like time keeping or making sure I do the jobs I would rather shove to one side. But I do believe righteousness is important.

We often sing "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness" and that is straight out of the Bible. It also says (Matt 5 v 6) "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness..." , and (v10) "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness..." If Jesus strarted off His ministry talking about righteousness then it must be important.

When Mary annointed the feet of Jesus with perfume Judas got angry and said it was a waste of money. In brackets we are told he was used to stealing money from the common purse, and it was because he was so greedy that her extravagant generosity annoyed him. Some people say it was this unrighteousness that led to greater greed for money until he was prepared to betray Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I don't know how far I want to push that theory, but I think it is definately the case that a "little thing" so often leads to a bigger thing and then our consciences get dull and we end up in all sorts of predicaments we would never have dreamed of.

But more than that, I want to try to live righteous because I love Jesus, and I do not want to upset Him.

Psalm 73 is one of my favourites 'cos it talks about keeping pure when everyone else seems to be getting away with it. It is a Psalm I read at a time when I was struggling with keeping my promises in the face of others who had gone back on theirs and didn't seem any worse off as a result.
Psalm 73

Demanding

Ever felt that life is too demanding?

Have a look at this lot from Matthew 14:

• Herod has John (Jesus cousin) killed. When Jesus hears about it he goes off in a boat to a quiet place.
• When the boat arrives there is a crowd of people waiting for Jesus, so he spends the day healing them
• As it gets late they realise no-one has any food and it is too late to get any, so Jesus does the miracle of feed 5thousand people with 2 loves and 5 fish
• After they have cleared up 12 baskets of leftovers Jesus sends the disciples off in the boat and goes up the hill to be by himself
• In the middle of the night Jesus walks across the water to catch up with the disciples who are having a hard time in a storm
• When the disciples see Jesus they freak out. Then Peter decides he wants to try walking on the water too and Jesus has to catch him.
• Once Peter is safe back in the boat Jesus sorts out the storm
• When they get to the shore, there is a crowd of people waiting again, and again Jesus spends time with them healing them
• Then the Pharisees turn up wanting a religious discussion about handwashing.....
  

Jesus had every right to take some time out to mourn for John. He did not have to heal the people in the crowd who were pestering him, but he had compassion on them. He was not obliged to feed them, but he cared about them. He did not have to spend time teaching Peter about faith by letting him try walking on water, but he was dedicated to training this chap and saw it was important in the long term. He could have avoided the crowd when they turned up again- he had done more than his duty the day before, but he did not keep a record like that. And so on....

Sometimes when I am busy I forget to smile or forget to talk to people. I get snappy when someone asks for something and I think I already have more than enough to do. Generally I don’t mind doing things for people, my problem is I am so much in my own world I don’t notice things that need doing, or people who could do with a friendly word, a txt or a visit.

Who am I that I am so important that my needs should always come before everyone else’s? Am I so selfish that all my time should always be all my own? Jesus did not think like that, he was loving and patient and generous to everyone.

At the cross, when Jesus was being crucified, he saw Mary his mother and John his closest disciple. Jesus cared deeply for them both and told John to take her home as his own mother, and reassured Mary that John would care for her. I would not have done that. I would have been like “excuse me! I’m getting crucified here, can’t you sort yourselves out? Who do you think I am? Social services?”

It was because Jesus cared so much and was so unselfish that he was even prepared to go through the cross and take the blame for us so we could get to know him, and through him get to know God who loves the stubborn and selfish people of this world who have been doing their own thing since the Garden of Eden.

It’s a challenge to me to think outside of my own little box, and to step out and do something for someone else that will cut across my own plans or comforts.