Vision

I recently started wearing glasses for reading and computer work. I've found this to be awkward when I need to look up and down a lot, like when doing data inputting at work, so I've picked up my touch typing skills again so I can keep my eyes on the screen. I also find if I need to look at someone who comes into the room to speak to them, that they are out of focus. This means I either have to perch my glasses on my nose like a Granny or slide them up onto my head so they get tangled in my hair.

What is the point of all this?
Well, God kind of spoke to me about focus.
We need to choose what we want to focus on, and the things around will go out of focus as we do so.
If we focus on Jesus then the things in the world go out of focus. We lose touch with what is going on because it does not hold our attention in the same way as it used to.
In the same way we could shift our focus to things around, to TV or celebreties or sports or entertainments or whatever else may fill up our time and grab our attention. If we do that it is not surprising that the lose focus on Jesus, we find we are adrift spiritually and need to take action to sharpen up.

I've not always worn glasses, I could manage fine without for years. Maybe that's a spiritual principle too?
That we can manage seemingly OK for years, but there will come a point when we have to choose what it is we want to focus our lives on.
If I ignored the fact I need glasses I would damage my eyes and could hasten old-age blindness.
If I ignore my spiritual state I will become blind or dull in my spirit.

My personal world

I have grown to really dislike "in your ear" type music players. In part it is because I find the whistling and cracking noise annoying and sometimes painful depending on the pitch.

More than that it is because I think it is a symptom of modern independance... It's not just music, so many technical gadjets where we can connect to our own little world by means of technology and exclude everyone else...

People travelling in the same vehicle all plugged into their personal music and not communicating...
People txting continually and not speaking to the people in the same room....
People spending hours on computer games and not spending quality time with people who matter...
People all in the same room staring at the widescreen and no conversation...

We are called to be the body of Jesus. I think that means something closer and deeper than "friending" someone on Facebook.

In our church we aim to be a brotherhood church. I think we need to guard brotherhood. Not just the times we focus on brotherhood, but making the most of all the times we are together and making time to be together more.
I've had some great times of sharing with folk when travelling, or over a meal, or while working on a project together.
We need to learn to be together and to be comfortable in each others company.

There is a song we used to sing:-

"Let us open up ourselves to one another
Without fear of being hurt or turned away
For we need to confess our weaknesses
To be covered by our brother's love
To be real and find our true identity"

There is a very slim chance of finding that openess and vulnerability if we are all living protected by our "personal technology"

not buying clothes #2

I had another amazing gift from God this week :-)

My trainers have all come in holes over the summer, so I was thinking I needed a new pair before the winter. I'm not sure if I prayed about it or just thought about it. Anyway... I gave a friend a lift home during the week, he works for an outdoor clothing shop. He got into the car carrying a box and said "Do you know anyone who can use these?" It was a pair of posh trainers that a customer had worn and then returned. When I tried them on they were a perfect fit and they are grey/purple which is just my kind of colours too. Being a very good brand I know they will last me well.
I was really really blessed that God had provided, and that He knows me well enough not to send white leather trainers which I really would not want to wear.

I was thinking about this during a meeting recently. How God is willing to provide if only we pause long enough to give Him a chance to do so.
Then I wondered what other areas are there in my life where if only I would pause to wait for God, He would provide.

I mean... I am beginning to realise God's provision and care are not just limited to kitting out my wardrobe.
Maybe if I paused for Him instead of panicking about evengelism I would find His grace to talk to people about my faith.
Maybe if I paused for Him instead of getting stressed things would be more calm at work.
Maybe if I paused for Him and asked for .... whatever.... I would see His provision.
Maybe I should look forward to meeting the new sisters and brothers who are going to move into our house and not fret about the lacks or gaps....

about celibacy

This is an amazing quote about celibacy:

Celibacy is daring. Choosing to be celibate means giving up earthly security, it means you are free to love Jesus recklessly. It's a massive choice made by us in response to His massive love for us. We do it because we love Him and love what He loves, which is the church.

not buying clothes

For some time I have pledged not to buy new clothes for myself because I disagreed with the consumerism of the fashion industry that says you need new clothes every season just so you are not caught out wearing the wrong colour/style. I also disagree with the fact that cheap clothes are not made without someone being exploited somewhere in the supply chain, and firms like Marks and Spencer who pledge to be ethical are just too expensive.
I know I can't make things right by opting out of the system, but I feel that by only wearing pre-owned clothes I am using what people have discarded and am not contributing to the consumerism that offends me.

This year I realised I may be a little too fond of looking in charity shops. Just because something only costs £3.50 does not mean I need it. So I pledged not to buy any clothes for myself for a year. This was not a promise not have any new clothes, just not to buy any.
It's not as difficult as may be expected as we have the "clothing store" at church where people donate clothes they no longer need and where anyone can have a look to see if there is anything they need.
Also I have friends who regularly turn up with clothes they are getting rid of to see if anyone in community can make use of them.

So far this year I have been blessed with all sorts of things that I needed. Just recently however I have been thinking I need some more undies as I had not anticipated what I had going threadbare in the course of a year (!) Today someone brought a sack of clothes they were getting rid of, including several sets of Next undies still with the shop tags in. I was really really blessed by that. Not just because it meant I did not have to break my pledge, but that it showed me that God really does know what we need.

Looking back on all the stuff I have received this year I realise how much God does want to bless us and provide for us, but we don't give Him the chance. If we run out to the shops to meet our own needs (or wants or whims) then we are not giving God the chance to show us how he does want to provide.

When I was a child I used to read the scripture about God providing for the sparrows and think "That's OK for sparrows, but I am a human being". I can now testify that when we pause and trust God to provide then he most certainly does.

I'm glad I know you...

I was thinking recently about how knowing different people has influenced my character, how a little bit of all the different people we know rubs off on us. Not that we become clones of each other, but each of us is a little bit more rounded than we we would have been left by ourselves.

The most simple example of this would be how people pick up catch phrases from each other. If I over hear someone saying "thank you lots" I recognise that as something I would say.

When I was at my Grandma's funeral I found that my cousins wanted to great us with a hug rather than a handshake. Generally my personal space is about 3 miles wide, so I would have found that very difficult except that Patrick and Heather have been part of our congregation for about 3 years and they great everyone with a hug all the time. I have learned from them to be a more huggy person.

When I went up to Scotland to visit my sister I wanted to take the kids out to a zoo or similar, but they wanted to go to a theme park. That's not something I would normally do, and my default mode would be to duck out and let everyone else enjoy themselves while I watch from the sidelines. This time I felt free to go for it and join in. The kids found it quite funny that Aunty Jo screamed all the way down on the water slide. So, what has helped me to break out and express myself more? I think a big part of it is our cell group where we have done things like adventure courses and walking through abandoned railway tunnels. In trying to keep up with the teenagers and not let them down by being boring I have found confidence to have a go. Having Hannah in the group has helped me to be less reserved and to worry less about "being responsible"

There are probably more examples of how other people's behaviour has influenced or inspired me. I also hope there are things which have rubbed off from me to them.

Testimony songs #6

After writing about the song I sang at the time I became celibate I need to be honest and write about the song which meant most to me when it all went wrong.
I "fell in love" with someone. I'm sure it was not really love, but at the time it was a powerful feeling and something I did not feel able to cope with. So I ran away.
I went to Bournemouth and spent a week walking up and down on the beach, trying to decide what to do next and trying to find God in it all. It was winter time and very stormy. One thing I noticed was that the waves never failed to reach the shore. There were various man made storm defences in place, but they never did halt the waves. That spoke to me of God's eternal nature and His patience with us.

This is the song

One verse speaks of the pounding waves longing for the shore.
Overall the songs speaks to me of a longing deep in our nature that longs to be with God and will feel detatched without Him.

The good news is that after that week I did decide to go back and pick up where I had left off. It took a long time and some more mess before everything was sorted out, but at the end of it all I had a new resolve as a celibate.

Some years later I read a novel "The Hawk and the Dove"and at one point in the story a young monk called Tom runs away from the monastry to find a pretty young women called Linnet. Eventually after many months he returns to the monsatry and seeks to re-gain admittance. The Abbot asks him why he came back. Did he find the woman he sought? Did she reject him? Did he get tired of her?
Tom's answer is that he had to come back because he had already made vows to God and could not vow himself to Linnet when he was already vowed to God. I was amazed when I read that because that was the bottom line in my struggles. I cannot base a marriage vow upon a broken celibacy vow.

Testimony songs #5

This is the song which meant the most to me at the time I made my celibate vow.
My first love is a blazing fire

When I became celibate I was absolutely certain of my decision, but slightly shy of speaking up and letting people know that I had made my choice. Eventually I felt like a bottle of pop which had been shaken up and needed the top let off. When another sister my age at work made her vow that prompted me to confirm my vow publicly... the top came off the bottle of pop and I spent a week grinning like a Cheshire Cat :-)

The song sings of love and passion for Jesus being released and that is pretty much how I felt at that time.

The bit which spoke to me most and speaks to me still is this:-
My first love is a rushing river
A waterfall that will never cease
And in the torrent of tears and laughter
I feel a healing power released....

I do find that worship is very healing. Not the "plough through 3 songs before the sermon" kind of dutiful song singing. I mean when you give your heart to worshipping God and your spirit connects with the Holy Spirit and you do find a release and healing from being connected to your Creator and Father in the way mankind was meant to be. That kind of "perfect worship" is not a common  experience, but it does bring change and healing on a deep level. Sometimes after times like that I feel the kind of tiredness but comfort that you feel after having a good cry about something, a sense that some of the things that were troubling you have gone now.  And from that healing comes new joy, new confidence, new love for Jesus. It is indeed a time of release.

testimony songs #4

This is about what happened when I did move into community....

When I told the leaders at that I wanted to move into community one brother spent the evening trying his best to dissuade me. I suppose he was checking to make sure I had made a sound decision and not an emotional one. Anyway, they agreed I could move in once I finished my course at uni, which was abut 3 months off. It was hard work finishing my course and doing my final project and exams, but at the end of it all I was planning to pack up my stuff one weekend with the help of my best mate in the church as we shared our little student house together.

The weekend before I moved in she did not come to church and on the Sunday evening two different brothers brought a word to me,
One said "you are going to know opposition from the source you least expect it".
The other said "whatever it does to Tracy (not her real name) you need to be true to what God has called you to".
On Monday night I went home to find her sat with her arms around her new boyfriend declaring she was not coming back to church any more.
On Tuesday it was agape and I stayed over at the community house, and passed on her news as she requested me to do.
On Wednesday night I went home, we stayed up all night talking, and she asked me to leave the next day so her boyfriend could move in.
On Thursday I went to work at the warehouse where I had started my first full time job that week. At the end of the day I was dropped off by the minibus, and they came back in an hour to pick me up with all my stuff.

The song which kept me going at that time was this one. Faithful God, so unchanging

testimony songs #3

The next significant songs in my life were from the era when I was at university and making choices about what to do with my future. At that time in the church we had "multimedia gospel presentations" which toured the UK during the winter months. They were powerful attempts to show the gospel using songs, dramas, video clips and so on. I am not sure if I found them amazing because they really were amazing or because at that time in my life a lot was happening spiritually and these events seemed to hit the right spot for me.

It was during one of the "Bleeding Life" events that I felt God speaking to me and saying "I want you to move into community"
I was not really thinking about that issue at that moment, but I remember I had been praying for some weeks along the lines "God, I want you to do something in my life" I suppose I got my answer.

Anyway, one of the songs from "Bleeding Life" started something like this:-

Don't join the rat race greedy for more
Jesus has told us blessed are the poor
We seek the Kingdom
This is the time
Now celebrating in the bread and wine.